Pop_aristocraT

3-in-One: Mission Impossible, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and I Hate You Dad

2011-12-24T02:18:00.000-08:00

In the time since my last entry (I've since completed 3 video projects, which I'll need to post here), I've taken in a number of movie previews. Two of them open this weekend, so I figured I'd post a word about them. The third is a far-off project which I saw an early cut of, so here's an early look at that, too.

1. Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol

When a mission goes bad for the current MI team, Tom Cruise is broken out of prison (where he sits rotting for an unauthorized killing of a cadre of foreign nationalists), to lead the remaining crew in the search for a stolen nuclear launch device and its missing activation codes. The team is soon outed by their villainous foe, and framed for a bombing of the Kremlin. In response, the government institutes Ghost Protocol, disavowing the MI team's mission, and offering them up as scapegoats to the Russians. The MI team has to complete their mission against a nuclear terrorist and his handful of hired assassins as fugitives, and without the aid of much of their previous technology. (in theory)

For many, this will likely be the most satisfying installment in the MI series (for me, it was part 3, though this one is quite enjoyable). It feels poppy, and quick and actiony, a great departure from the tone of the rest of the series. In fact, all 4 movies now have a distinct difference in their tone, the fingerprints of their various directors showing on the final products. The first MI was more cerebral, a complex spy drama packed with intrigue. Part 2 catered to those lost in part 1, a big dumb action film full of vibrant colors and impossible stunts. Part 3 brought a more personal, darker story with Phillip Seymore Hoffman as a wonderfully sinister bad guy. Now this one... really it compares best with James Bond. Not the most recent Bonds, mind you, but some Roger Moore era stuff. The stakes are high, with nuclear war on the table, but despite that there are a lot of jokes, a ton of gadgets, and a lot of fun, globe-trotting set pieces in the mix.

Two things to watch for in this movie: first, for the group being abandoned by the US government (and really, doesn't it seem like they're betrayed by their superiors in at least 3 of these 4 films?), they have a crazy amount of tech available. I mean, yeah, their mask machine breaks... but I dont' care how cool of a weapon-smith their black market dealer is, a view screen GPS with touch navigation in the windshield of your car? Wow.
Seondly, I think Tom Cruise probably has brain damage by the end of the movie. He is told by a doctor, immediately following the Kremlin job, that he as a concussion. He spend the rest of the movie running around, for days straight, and bangs his head, really really hard, on quite a number of surfaces during the show. Its almost a running gag, with his cranium connecting with a plate glass window, a metal car-lift, the windshield in a car accident, numerous fists, etc. I expect MI 5 to be similar to Rocky 5, and feature Tom Cruise being forced out of the business by his doctor for the severe mental dysfunction he must be suffering.

2. Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

David Fincher brings us an American adaptation of Stieg Larson's novel of the same title (originally titled, "Men Who Hate Women"), the second adaptation of such after the Swedish original.
The story for this movie, likely the first in a trilogy, focuses on Mikael Blomkvist, a disgraced journalist who is brought in to solve an ages old murder mystery, in hopes of recovering the fame and fortune he lost in a recent libel suit. Thought the film opens with a focus on Mikael and his investigation, he soon finds himself stumped, and he recruits the talents of Lisbeth Salander, an unusual girl with anti-social tendencies and a photographic memory. She takes center stage in the show after the pair come together, saving the day multiples times, and redefining the image of the cinematic heroine. Using their skill sets, Lisbeth and Mikael unravel the depraved truths behind the murders, and their links to a neo-Nazi heritage.

Viewed for its own merits, this film is pretty amazing. Fincher's direction is, as always, sharp and clear, while preserving the dark, perverse grime needed for the story's tone. There is an intense rape scene near the opening of the film that has been disturbing audiences at pre-screenings, a sign that the direction doesn't flinch, and is unafraid to do what it needs to in order to provoke an emotional response. The mystery is pretty well crafted, though it honestly takes a backseat to the examination of its two lead characters, and the relationship they develop. I suppose its pretty obvious that the story is going to go that way, since much of the opening is spent following Lisbeth around and getting a feel for the dark, unusual life she finds herself trapped in, a path that at first seems to not link up to the central plot. Her character has fascinated readers and film-goers for sometime now, and this latest version, portrayed by Rooney Mara, will be no exception. While her Lisbeth seems a bit softer, and more reactionary than the version portrayed by Noomi Rapace, she is still very different than most movie heroines, still more commanding, and despite her unusual appearance, is able to charm many audience members by sheer force of personality.

Rapace has the better performance, IMO, but the
superior tattoo is on Mara. Seriously who designed
that thing?

Of course, its impossible to not compare this film to the original Swedish version from 2009. Personally, I prefer that version. While I'm a great fan of Fincher's direction, generally, I found that a lot of scenes here lacked impact or emotion. He seemed to movie from scene to scene in order to construct the narrative, but didn't linger on moments of emotional depth long enough for most to really register. They cut off almost jarringly. As already mentioned, his Lisbeth is slightly softened, her relationship with Mikael more romantic, where as it remains at that awkward point between love and sexy-friendship, undefined, in the original. What is most interesting, though, are what scenes are given greater focus, and what are excised in order to give them that extra screen-time. Both opening and ending sequences seem to have greater prevalence here, Mikael's libel trial and Lisbeth's end movie run as a blonde bombshell seem to have been extended and explained in more depth. Lost to the cutting-room floor and many scenes involving the Vanger family have been shortened or removed. Because of this, the mystery seems looser, more ambiguous, and its resolution more rushed. All the scenes that pertained to the two Vanger girls looking alike are gone, and the ending changed to be rid of the necessity of those sequences. In many ways, I felt that the revelation of the killer is weakened by these losses, and the Vanger family, who I felt I knew intimately by the end of the Swedish movie, remain rather an unknown entity in this version.

Despite the fact that I really enjoyed the US version, if I had to pick one, I'd stick to the original. Still, I hope Rooney Mara's career opens up from this film much the way Noomi Rapace's did (see Prometheus and Sherlock Holmes 2 for more of her), as I find her quite charming.

3. I Hate You Dad (working title, possibly "Donny's Boy")

The cast of...whatever this movie will be called.
Oh yeah, Vanilla Ice is all over this one...

This last one is the next movie from Adam Sandler and Happy-Madison productions. Going in, I was so, so afraid I'd been invited to the next Jack and Jill or some other horrible mess of a film. Instead I was treated to, for better or for worse, some old school Sandler comedy.

The story is that of Donny, um.... somthing... well I've forgotten his last name, but anyway he's 14 when he sleeps with his school teacher, Mrs. McGarricle, played young by Eva Martino and old by Susan Sarandon, both of them smokin' hot ladies. He knocks her up, and at age 18, gains custody of their son, who he names Han Solo. The teacher is found guilty of statutory rape and goes to jail, leaving the young boy a single, and inept, father, living on wealth accrued by selling his life story to various gossip rags. The bulk of the film takes place 20+ years later, with Sandler playing adult Donny, who is out of cash, about to go to jail for tax evasion, and estranged from his son. He goes to his son, played by Andy Samberg, seeking financial aid and finds that young Han is about to get married, a ceremony he wasn't invited to. The crude Donny then seeks to get back into his son's life, with the usual shenanigans that would involve.

There's nothing really surprising about this movie. At all. Its a pretty typical, paint by the numbers, father/son reuniting comedy heart-warmer, with the one twist that the father is just barely older than the son. Sandler does, however, go back to his crude roots, dropping foul language and dick jokes all over the place, which is sure to please fans of his original films. Despite the lack of any twists or turns, I found myself enjoying the movie pretty well. I dont' go into Adam Sandler movies expecting to be intellectually stimulated. I expect to go into a movie loaded with sex jokes, cursing old ladies, sports stars and retired/failed comedian cameos, and an endless supply of 80's nostalgia references. This movie has them in spades. In fact, if you're under 25, you might not get a lot of the references, unless you spend a lot of time watching old TV shows online.

If there was anything weak in the film, it was Samberg. I was interested to see how the old SNL star, and its new lifeblood would play off of each other on the screen. Instead, Samberg played the straight man to Sandler's Falstaff, and doesn't bring any of his uniquely bizarre comedy to the mix. He even mugs to the camera a scant few times. This kinda hurts the film, because Samberg comes off as a whiny asshole. He's a decent comedian, but a terrible straight man, not likable in the least.

Its not a great film, but I think its a better effort than many of Sandler's other outings, and more familiar to his original fans than things like Jack & Jill and Grown-ups. It did remind me of this skit, from Whitest Kids You Know, also:

Anonymous (2011)

2011-10-26T04:38:00.000-07:00

Conspiracy theorists, rejoice! A major motion picture seeks to popularize the idea that Shakespeare's plays were not, in fact, written by William Shakespeare, but by Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford.

Its a really complicated story, a weaving together of lives of the Elizabethan courts. Every time I watch something about the Tudors, I'm fascinated and have to go do some research afterwards. The complex social lives these guys had, its unbelievable. I can't imagine that the members of the Tudor courts didn't have a headache every moment of everyday, just from the struggle of having to deal with all the deceits, intrigues, and propriety that were ascribed to them.

Well, anyway, I've done a bit of reading, so here's your reference point on the story: Previous to this movie, I'd never heard of this particular theory of Shakespeare's true authorship. I guess it wasn't popular while I was in High School or college, I remember Bacon and Marlowe being put forth, but is now the prevailing theory among conspiracy theorists. The theory holds that for whatever reason, Edward, Earl of Oxsford, who was a well-known theater lover, writer, and poet, could not attribute his own name to his body of plays. As such, he used William Shakespeare, who was a well known businessman by the time of his death, as a front for the publication of the plays. The argument is made that Shakespeare, the historical figure, left little to no written evidence behind in his life, no evidence that he was ever literate. Scholars think that he lacked the education needed to write his body of work. Oxsford, on the other hand, was very well educated and literate, and despite references by some of his contemporaries to plays he'd created, has no written body of work to show for it either.

Its a complex web of times, dates, and notes on both sides of the argument, all of which boils down to the idea that Shakespeare, the common man from Stratford, being mentally inadequate to create the works for which he is credited, and so instead they must have come from a man of aristocratic breeding.

A less popular alternate candidate for authorship.

Its worth noting that I'm not a fan of the theory. In some ways, its actually a bit insulting. But, that doesn't stop it from making a good drama.

Of course, one thing is really missing from the alternative authorship theory, and that is motive. Why would Oxsford, who did not hide his love of theater or writing, who is known to have written poems, and to have owned an Elizabethan theater, find need to hide his identity for this particular body of work?

Anonymous seeks to answer that theory with a very complicated and deep love-triangle rooted in the Tudor legacy. The film bounces back and forth across time, between the young Earl's initiation into court, and his time as an adult, mixing dashes of historical evidence here and there... and of course, taking some liberties. We find that the young Earl fell in love with Queen Elizabeth during his time at court, and used his supposed Shakespearean wit to woo her, eventually bedding her. The two of them sired a bastard, who's identity is kept secret from the world, even the whelp's parents. The turmoil of this separation eventually causes a rift between the young lovers, causing Elizabeth to banish Edward from court. He then takes to writing to express his views of the world, and bury deep political metaphors into the works.

And, of course, that's only the tip of the iceburg. The story twists and turns all over the place, Edward of Oxford battling the wits of the manipulative William Cecil, and then eventually his son Robert, finding political struggles across the board, succession issues at stake, and a plethora of bastard kids from every player in the game mixing everything up.

Thank God I'd just watched The Tudors on Showtime so I could keep up with all of this.

So that is your very long and intricate set-up for the film. With that being only the most basic explanation of the film, you can tell that this is a complex, hard to follow, historically rich film (even if some is pseudo-history), and its really not going to be widely viewed or accepted because of that. But, there's some good things going for the movie, to be sure.

The opening set-up is brilliant, really. The movie opens with this meta-textual sequence showing Anonymous is actually a play not a movie, in modern day New York. The players take to the stage, and give a framework to the audience of the conspiracy theory's background. The play begins with Sebastion Armesto as Ben Johnson, running across the stage, hounded by the men of Cecil. The play then cross cuts, with a bolt of lightening, into the past, as we see the events of the drama played out in cinematic style on the screen.

The rest of the movie is directed very well, with a nice rich, cold look cast over Puritan-inspired London. Of course, a few tropes like the "I'm sad, so I'm looking out of a window and its raining and the rain looks like my tears" shots are kind of overused.

Rhys Ivans got drunk and was arrested
at Comicon this year.This is not a
picture of that. This is how he
normally looks.

The cast is undoubtedly the greatest strength of the movie, with amazing actor and real-life douche bag Rhys Ifans playing with dignity and character the Earl of Oxsford. Rafe Spall does an excellent job bumbling about as the foppish Shakespeare, and David Thewlis, of Harry Potter fame, disappears into his character as William Cecil.

The movie is a great, epic soap opera of the Tudor courts, sure to be enjoyed by those who have like the history-ish films and shows The Tudors and Cate Blanchett's Elizabeth movies. The story is a bit self-defeating though, as it requires some historical knowledge to really keep up on all of the political motivations of the characters involved in the drama. At the same time, the movie contradicts a lot of historical facts in order to temper the romantic tension between Edward and Elizabeth, so history buffs will probably find a few factoids to be annoyed with, while the common audience risks becoming lost. Ultimately, I was surprised by the direction of the film, which I expected, especially from the opening sequence, to be focused more on Ben Johnson, Christopher Marlowe, and the other members of the theatrical community, who are the more relatable characters in the show. They act as a mirror, in the movie, in awe of the works of the new playwright, and Johnson is given plenty of time to drunkenly lament his own lack of talent in relation to the Bard, but they don't move the central story along at all. Instead, all weight is given to the cold members of the Elizabethan court. I think this focus makes the movie feel more cold and dry than it should, and makes the 2 hr+ runtime drag out a bit towards the end.

In the end, Anonymous left me unconvinced that Edward, Earl of Oxsford was the true Shakespeare as, even after 2 hours of deliberating over possible romantic reasons for it, the film really doesn't ever show why he'd need to keep his name off of the plays. Yeah, his wife was a Puritan. Oh well, he's still the head of the household, and holds all the property, not like her displeasure can actually sway him. Hell, Edward was a Catholic, by all records, anyway. And the theater was frowned upon by the Elizabethan court during the time of the film, but many court members still wrote, attended theater, and owned theaters, it wouldn't have been the social blunder that the movie portrays. In the end, the movie is a fair drama, but a poor argument for the idea that the author of Shakespeare's plays was anyone other than William himself.

The Thing (2011)

2011-10-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

My review for the new prequel for John Carpenter's The Thing is up on Brutal as Hell. Mosey on over and take a look!

The Big Year (2011)

2011-10-12T04:56:00.000-07:00

In a word: quaint.

Jack Black, Steve Martin, and Owen Wilson all play extremely devoted bird-watchers. The trailer, btw, does a remarkable job of obscuring how much of this movie is about bird-watching and makes it look like a screwball comedy. Its not.

Black and Martin are our protagonists, both driven to complete 'The Big Year', a scavenger hunt to see as many birds as possible across North America in one year. The current champion is Owen Wilson, who goes out among the birders, to make sure no one beats his record of over 730 species sighted.

While the film IS about birding, and does devote a remarkable amount of its run-time to the appreciation of birds and the hobby of watching them, it ultimately is about obsession, devotion, and the personal prices people pay in the quest for their passions. All 3 men want the title of 'best birder', and spend most of the movie trekking across the wilds of North America, but they all risk things at home. Black has already lost a marriage, and risks his job and his relationship with his ailing father. Martin is on the verge of retirement, and his business may collapse in his absence. Wilson's wife wants a baby, and his single-minded devotion to birding pushes his marriage to the edge.

I don't like pushing the film into this particular demographic... but I will. The Big Year is for old people.

I was in the screening theater with primarily older folks, 30's, 40's, and older. Free screening, and yet only older folks were interested. Steve Martin + bird-watching is just going to skew that way, I guess. While we were watching, I noticed that I wasn't really laughing at the jokes. Everything had a quaint, naive charm to it, but the comedy was about the level of your average sitcom. Very bland, very predictable, broad stroke characters. You know. But, the milquetoast comedy seemed to be winning over the crowd.

There was a particular moment where Steve Martin and Jack Black have rented a helicopter, and the pilot is helping them chase a rare bird. They swoop over the rocks and see it, taking in the majesty. Next thing you know, they are a little too close to the rocks, and they all yelp as the pilot pulls them away from the mountain face... and the lady next to me recoiled in fright and yelled along with Steve Martin. Yep, there's the crowd this movie was made for: the old lady who is excited by really dry action moments, and thinks there might actually be a chance that Steve Martin and Jack Black could both die in a helicopter crash half way through this PG-13 buddy comedy.

Don't get me wrong, its not a bad film. I thought all three characters, if a bit chilche, were workable and likable, and had well defined character arcs. The moral of the story, that you need to settle down and have kids like everyone else or else all your achievements aren't worth anything, is far from new (damn you Hollywood, for cramming this down our throats!) but well-worn by these characters, and comes across neatly, clearly. Owen Wilson actually does a great job of conveying this message in his final scenes; he really comes across as the strongest actor in the film. ... but while its not a bad film, its not a particularly funny or exciting one either, unless you're very easily pleased.

The Big Year kind of reminds me of Wild Hogs or Old Dogs, in that its a comedy filled with aging stars that's been developed in a sterile laboratory to specifically please your mom's sense of humor. However, I will give Big Year big props for not falling for the same tropes of those two films; no one in the film is playing the idiot, and it doesn't rely on stupid, ridiculous situational humor to beg for laughs. What jokes are there come from zingers and observational humor, and Jack Black is restrained at only one prat-fall for the entire film. Dry, naive humor, maybe, but at least everyone involved kept their dignity.

Drive (2011)

2011-07-30T05:01:00.000-07:00

One more from SDCC.

Drive is the newest film from Nicolas Winding Refn, director of the awesome Bronson (about Charles Bronson the British convict, not the actor), and soon to be helming the remake of Logan's Run. It features Ryan Gosling, who seems to be all over the place lately, Carey Mulligan, and Ron Perlman, along with a whole cast full of great actors in secondary parts.

Drive is about a movie stunt driver (Gosling) who, until now, I hadn't noticed is never named in the film. Hmm... well, anyway, he uses his driving skills to pull off heists for criminals. His system is that he is responsible for the safety of the crew for the five minutes immediately following the heist, during the getaway. Anything before or after is solely on them. To that point, he's never been out-driven, his crew always getting from A to B safely.

However, despite the excitement of crime and stunt driving, Driver's life is empty. His apartment is plain, his nights quiet and alone, his day job isolating. This all changes when he meets, literally, the girl next door. Irene (Carey Mulligan) is a young mom who's husband is in jail. Driver helps her out while hubby is in the slammer, and soon the two have developed a deep affection for each other, if not a relationship. When hubby gets out, he tries to reform, but his old gang isn't hearing it. Driver wants nothing more than to keep Irene and her kid safe, and takes on the responsibility of getting hubby out of hot water with his old gang.

Of course, that's when things get complicated...

Sometimes you get treated with a movie that's full of awesome stuff that you somehow haven't heard a damn thing about. Sadly, it means that the studio probably just isn't promoting the thing, but hey, bonus for me.

Anyway, went to the theater knowing nothing about this flick, my roommate suggested I go after seeing a clip for it at a panel earlier in the day. In the lobby I was grabbing popcorn, and happened to run across the cast and director who were coming in to introduce the show. Great bunch of people, very friendly. Mulligan and Perlman are both very, very quiet. Its almost off-putting. But, hey, they seem modest and polite, can't complain about that.

Socializing aside, I enjoyed watching this flick. Drive opens with an incredibly intense heist sequence that doesn't for a moment feel far-fetched or reaching. The Driver sets his watch and waits patiently while his clients knock off their target. The seconds tick by as client #2 gets held up inside grabbing the cash. As he finally reaches the car, the police scanner alerts them that the cops are in the area, and their car has been tagged as a vehicle of interest. The Driver's got five minutes to outrun, out think, and generally hide from the cops, on the streets and in the air, the tension never letting up. Engines blast through the speakers, as an idiosyncratic Atari-Fire-like score and credits written in 80's-style pink text chop up the style. By the time the job is done, I couldn't help but find myself rooting for our silent, bad assed protagonist, the perfect opening.

The rest of the film is actually very slow by comparison, a long, tense character drama, it focuses on the relationship between the Driver and Irene, and the development of the Driver's sense of self, his goals, and a bit of heroism to boot. The scenes are all incredibly well directed, with some very unique styles making a story that has familiar beats feel very new. The drama is broken apart, at times, by stunningly violent, visceral action sequences, sure to make some wince.

My one complaint with the otherwise awesome film? A sheer lack of dialog. Now, I'm glad the film isn't exposition heavy, and it does at least avoid many movie cliches by skipping past the dialog, but those interactions between characters are still there, and those moments aren't filled with any sort of action. What results is a movie where most character interactions are simply two people on either side of the screen, staring at each other for painfully long moments.

Used sparingly, this could have been considered brilliant. "Oh, look at how much they convey just by looking at each other." But Drive uses this slow, plodding communication so much that by the end of the film its simply an exercise in self-parody.

"Would you like some water?"
...
...
...
...
...
"Sure."
...
...
...
...
...
..
"So, who's that?"
....
...
...
..
"My husband.......................................................................he's in jail."
...
...
...
...
...
"Oh............................................................I gotta go."
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Sure. Well thanks."
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Yeah...................................................................................thanks for the water. Later."

I'm really not exaggerating. That's a real conversation from the movie, and it takes about five or six minutes to get there, I swear to God.

A few others I pulled into the theater with me found the long, plodding line delivery grating, and spent the rest of the night mimicking it by staring at each other and refusing to answer each others' questions at dinner afterward. Others found the extremity of the violence hard to match up with the subtle-beyond-reason performances of the drama. So, there may be some complaints.

But, hey, you've been warned. So far, most have been blown away by Drive, at film fests and such, and while I do try to avoid hyperbole, I can say its a quality flick with a lot of interesting bits, and I recommend it to ya.

Griff the Invisible

2011-07-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

At SDCC this year, I got the chance to preview Griff the Inivisible, a little indy film, the first from director Leon Ford.

Super, Special, Paper Man, there have been many indy superhero movies of late, trying to examine the psychology of the hero, and likely, ride the wave of hero-movie popularity. The latest among these is Griff the Invisible, which differs from the others on this list in that it lacks most of the melancholy they contain.

Griff is a young man living alone in the city, a city which he prowls through at night, fighting crime. He has a powerful fighting suit, a great martial prowess, a crime lab, and a hotline direct to the mayor... or does he? Griff also has a new job where he is tormented by co-workers, a history of losing jobs to his daydreaming nature, and a bit of a checkered past.

Griff's newest challenge comes not in the form of a super-villain, but from a young woman. Griff's just an ordinary guy trying to fight crime, believing he has super powers, and when he meets a young woman who shares his beliefs, his world takes a startling turn.

The two of them battle against their most hated foe, banality.

This is a pretty good film, one finished last year, and probably only seeing release thanks to the young star, Ryan Kwanten of True Blood fame. He plays a dramatically different character, the sheepish Griff, afraid of everything in life. His neighborhood, his job; and his one relief from the torment is his time in costume, behind his mask, battling against rabble in the neighborhood.

The characters are all weird and delightful, quirky like so many other indy casts. They really pull it off, though, the love story is bizarre and sweet. I don't use the word often, but, this movie is cute.

Definitely check this one out if it comes your way. A good date movie for superhero fans.

Cowboys and Aliens

2011-07-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

I got a chance to check out Cowboys and Aliens at the press screening at Las Vegas's Rave theater tonight (and thanks to my buddy Roland for the hook-up on that one. I totally missed out on registering for passes thanks to SDCC).

Happy to report that its pretty good.

The story is easy to surmise from the trailer. Jake (Daniel Craig), wakes up in the desert with amnesia, and a strange metal device strapped to his wrist. After taking out a small band of bounty hunters, Jake steals their gear and wanders back into town, only to find he's a wanted man, and Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), a rich, mean, retired military man, wants the gold he had stashed on the train that Jake robbed. The two powerful men are the center of a conflict in town, fists flying and guns drawn, when...

Aliens attack.

In a turnabout that makes me wish I'd never seen the trailer and didn't know the name of the movie, aliens come from nowhere and abduct about half the town, taking them off to some secret base for experimentation. During the scuffle, the mysterious bracelet Jake has on his arm activates, and he's able to shoot down one of the alien spacecraft. The humans have a fighting chance, at least.

Luckily, the bracelet seems to not only shoot big lasers, but also produce plot contrivances, as the aliens only take the weakest members of the town. All the remaining gun-toting badasses form a posse and hunt down the space-faring varmints. Jake tags along, hoping to recover his lost memory.

So, yeah, the movie was a lot of fun. There wasn't a lot of originality to be had, other than the really unusual genre mash-up. The story is more Western than Sci-fi, with all of the protagonists coming from a Western world. And within that world, we cover just about every Western trope you could imagine. Because of that, the story is rather predictable. "Hey, Harrison Ford hates Indians. What do you bet we'll see him working together with those Indians to save the day later?", Indian ambushes, bandits, shoot-outs. All that's really missing is a duel at high noon and you'd pretty much have every event western ever trapped in this film.

While the film is predictable, its also very comfortable, and funny when it remembers to poke some self-aware humor at itself.

So, while nothing 'new' in terms of characters or events, we do have a pretty unique mix of movie elements here, and all of those elements are done very well. You've got all the ingredients of a solid traditional western here, and you've got some basic sci-fi, and Favreau does service to both genres, compiling great action scenes, some witty banter, and a decent score.

What could have been a complete goof-fest, however, is really pulled through by a strong cast. Daniel Craig is great as the perpetually dirty tough-guy, and Harrison Ford is wonderful as ever. Its great to see one of my all-time favorites in a movie that doesn't make me want to stab my eyes out; Harrison, I've missed you. The supporting cast are wonderful as well, a huge upgrade from the throwaway extras of most movies. Sam Rockwell, Clancy Brown, Paul Dano, Abigail Spencer, they all flesh out the town, and make the absolute most of their roles. Favreau really cashed in those Iron Man chips to get a cast full of people who have lead films before as his extras. Plus, that drunk guy who's taking a shit early on in the film is none other than Artie, the strongest man in the world, of Pete & Pete fame.

So, its not perfect. The story is pretty paint by numbers and has few surprises. In a film like this, though, I really don't need a lot of new character elements or meta-textual writing. I just need cowboys doing cowboy stuff to aliens. Hey, do we see some aliens get lassoed and maybe have Indian spears chucked through their chest? Yeah? Awesome!

Popcorn movie extraordinaire. If you want some lighthearted fun, Cowboys and Aliens is offering it up. And unlike this summer's other big popcorn movie, it doesn't open with over an hour of Shia LaBeouf trying to get a job. A vast improvement.

The Dire Digest Cometh. Looking for Backers.

2011-07-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

Heeeeeey kids! PMP Productions is looking for some finishing funds while we put together some of the more FX intensive scenes in our new anthology horror.

If you're interested in donating to the cause, gaining some Producer credit, and helping along an awesome movie, click on over to Kickstarter to pledge!

Have you had a look at your Padinga lately?

2011-07-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

Hey. Wow. Its been forever since I've posted in this thing. Like 2 months or so.

Well, let me tell you, I've hardly been resting on my laurels.
...maybe just a bit...

Its convention season, and already I've been tearing it up around here. I finished a short shoot in Portland, a script to shoot with Vegaswood Studios, and PMP Productions about to shoot in August, another part of the Dire Digest. PMP also just received an award for Affection/Affectation from last week's Las Vegas Film Fest. This week I'm at the San Diego Comicon, diving head-first into the creative community.

My writing time was basically split, however, between the script (which you can't yet enjoy the fruits of) and Padinga.com. For Padinga, we went to E3, covered the living shit out of that convention, and also established a weekly writing schedule, so you've got new content every day.

Check HERE for all the E3 goodies collected in one spot. Its a pretty comprehensive guide to all the good stuff coming out this upcoming year.

On the front page, you'll find new articles every day, so keep coming back!

A few words on THE MIGHTY THOR!!! thunder clap

2011-05-05T17:51:00.000-07:00

So, I saw this the other night. Yep, its good. I think most people were anticipating it to be a pretty solid film, trailers and hype have been positive and building, but not stupidly overwhelming, probably because Marvel is splitting their ad campaign 2 (X-Men makes 3?) ways this summer. And anyway, the critics have been enjoying it at early screenings as well.

But, if you wanted a bit of my opinion, I'll give it to ya, in brief.

Thor: 4 out of 5 Mjolnirs ... its not as good as Iron Man, but probably better than Spider-Man 3.

What worked:

- Casting. Marvel has done a great job finding talent thus far. Chris Hemsworth is fine as the brash young Thor, Natalie Portman is charming as always, and its great to see Ray Stevenson come in as Volstagg, rescued from the shit storm that was Punisher War Zone. I also really enjoyed Kat Dennings as the snarky Darcey.

- Production Design: Asgard looked wonderful, costumes generally were great (in particular, I liked Heimdahl a lot. He's a badass), and Destroyer, especially was bad ass. I would have liked to have seen him get to a more populated area to blow some stuff up.

- Action: The movie follows the typical Marvel movie formula, with one major action sequence per act. Act 1: Raid on Frost Giants. Act 2: Raid on Shield compound. Act 3: Thor vs Destroyer and Loki. Nothing very surprising here, and i honestly could have used a little more... but what was there was pretty well done. The Act 1 raid was especially nice, as it gave Sif and the Warriors 3 some time to shine on screen.

- Bumper: I don't think as many people will be blown away by the bumper on this one, because the image isn't as iconic as Thor's Hammer being found, or Cap in the ice or anything like that. But, if you're a comics fan, you know what it is already, and its pretty cool to see realized on the screen. Also, its the most plot-driven of the bumpers so far, directly tying in Cap and Thor to Avengers.

What wasn't so good:

-Loki: He was played well, but... not really written well. The God of Mischief was less of the evil trickster his comics self is portrayed as, and more of a sympathetic, kind of downtrodden kid in his brother's shadow. To some extent, this works, because we tend to like having villains we can reason with, like Magneto, it makes for a deeper character. But in the end, it made him anything BUT menacing.
Without revealing what Loki's master plan is here, I'll tell you what it boils down to: It involves him keeping Thor on Earth so that he can 1. Not kill anybody else in Asgard. 2. Not take the throne (he kind of tries to, though he says explicitly he doesn't want it. Seems like he plans on giving it back to Odin) 3. Not endanger anyone on Earth deliberately, and 4. Kill the badguys.
... so, wait, Loki's master plan is to set up all this crap he does in the movie so that he can kill a bunch of evil guys and then everyone will like him as much as Thor?
And how does this endanger Natalie Portman, in a way that might make Thor angry and engage the audience emotionally?... oh, it doesn't.

When Loki was busy blowing up the Giants, and Thor came in to stop him, my thoughts were "Why? You hate these guys and the live for murder. Just let 'em die off."

-Thor is a Jedi: The trick with high fantasy, especially when it focuses in on characters of near-godlike ability, or ones who are inhuman, is that we have a harder time sympathizing with them. We see this in Star Wars; in the original films, its very easy to get behind Luke and Han, because they are simple, human characters with the same kind of ambitions and flaws that we have. But in the prequels, Qui-Gonn, Obi, and Anakin are cold, distant figures with virtually no weaknesses, and unknowable motivation. Its hard to sympathize with them, as they apparently don't think, act, or feel in ways that are human.

Thor, here, as something of the same complex. He's fun to watch, all smarmy and, um, Viking-y. But he's aloof, distant, and has an air of superiority over all of the human characters in the film. Fun as he is, its hard to really get into his character, and we don't really feel for his grief when he's trapped on Earth.
If anything, Natalie Portman is our human center, and the heart of the show. She's really never in any danger, though, so it keeps the adrenaline toned down.

Overall, though, Thor is a very fun popcorn flick, and a good lead into Cap, and in turn, next year's Avengers movie. I'm sure many of you will check it out this weekend. Enjoy!

Brains? I'll just stick to the Cadbury Cream Eggs, thanks...

2011-04-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

Easter is almost over, but if you're not quite ready to say goodbye to the Holy Ghost and all of his buddies, then you need to pop on over to Brutal as Hell, where we're got a series of posts celebrating Zombie Jesus Day! Wind down with a collection of reviews, looking a the finest of zombie films, and maybe even a couple of flicks featuring Jesus Christ himself! The Passion?, you ask. NO! We're talking Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter, reviewed by yours truly.

Plus, original Easter art!

Click the pic to go to Brutal as Hell, and celebrate the resurrection of your lord and savior in style. If you can do it while eating the flesh of your choosing... bonus!

Gasoline Wars!!

2011-04-22T05:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a number of news outlets were reporting the national average price of gasoline hitting $4/gallon. People are starting to complain, but its still just the general grumbles. But how long before the complaints begin to grow? Before it turns to yelling and shouting? Then outrage, revolts, riots?

What's our breaking point? $5/gallon? $6... maybe we go all the way to $10?

I'm just curious because I want to be ready when its time for me to put on my spiked cod piece and hockey mask and raid the neighboring towns for their fuel supplies. I imagine trying to raid the little town of Pahrump too early would be kind of a social faux pas.

"You have made me unleash my dogs of war. There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your pump, the oil, the gasoline, and the Chicken Ranch Brothel (NSFW), and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away and we'll give you a safe passageway in the...um, Nevada desert. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror. "

(those guys in the background are the Team Vegas Heroclix crew)

Ahh, a glimpse of the future. Don't worry, I'm really a very civil warlord. Just don't forget to address me as "The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!", and we'll be alright.

My Favorite Ladies

2011-04-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

Here's a little fluff piece for ya'll.

I rarely put 'cheesecake' up on the site. I really try to avoid it because, dammit, its everywhere, and its played for cheap ratings boosts from horny nerds. Its too easy to really have any artistic value, IMO. I think we should be able to convey beauty without lingering on cheap tit shots and... well, its a rant unto itself.

Still, I'm sitting here watching Dr Who season 5, and loving the character of Amy Pond, and I thought I should put up a little collection of my favorite, most attractive, actresses. Many of them get overshadowed by the Megan Foxes of the world (blerg), so here is a little moment for them to shine...

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: Olivia Wilde

I'd seen her before as the Baroness in a GI Joe parody video (playing the clarinet, no less), and as Madonna in a Weird Al video, but Olivia really stood out this year in Tron: Legacy.
She has a TON of make-up on in that movie, so its kind of hard to tell how much of that is really her. She seems to look a lot more rough outside of the films... but then, who doesn't? From stills, she only looked jaw-dropping, to me, in that one film, as the living computer program, but her character was so goddamn adorable in the movie, that she couldn't be ignored. I'll have my eye out for her in future stuff, for sure. If nothing else, she can really fill out some leather jump-suits. Those are pretty popular, these days...

#5: Scarlett Johansson

Speaking of jump-suits, we just saw Scarlett here wearing one in Iron Man 2 as the SHIELD agent, Black Widow. Scarlett's had an interesting evolution in film, going from punk-ish girl next door in Ghost World, then to bored house wife in Lost in Translation, and quickly she turned over to glamor girl and femme fatale.
She hasn't really had a ton of film roles, but they've all been memorable, and mostly just because of how she looks.
I almost hate to say that, but seriously, she rarely even gets any good lines. She's just mesmerizing on the screen.

#4: Natalie Portman: The Professional and Star Wars Episode 1, I've kind of grown up along with Natalie Portman. She an interesting actress, as she shows a lot of versatility, but she needs a strong director. Star Wars was a good example of her just phoning in the performance, and V for Vendetta, as much as I love that movie, also shows that, sometimes, damn she can be weak. But despite those, you see things like Garden State and most recently Black Swan, and you can't help but see and respect her talent. With the right guidance, Natalie can dominate the screen. And, with her innocent face, the ability to adopt a tough attitude, and comedic timing (see her Lonely Island videos), she's become versatile enough to fit into any movie. She's the go-to girl, kinda like how George Cloony is for leading men.
She did a nude scene once in the short film Hotel Chevalier. She was beautiful, and it was an excellent little short. But, she was embarrassed by the way everyone spread still shots of it around. Thanks for ruining it for us all, guys, she says she'll never do another. Well, enjoy that one you got, people.

#3: Anna Farris: I was sad when she got her plastic surgery done. Anna had some work done on her nose and lips. The lip work is kind of obvious, they're just a little TOO plump for her, and there seems to be a little scar on one of them. Well, she still pretty much has that same girlish charm that got me during Scary Movie.
Her real charm and talent comes from her comedy. Anna's movies don't appeal to all crowds, though she does run the gamut from Lost In Translation to House Bunny, art to fluff; but no matter your taste its impossible to ignore her great comedic timing. And her face, oh God, her face. Its probably the most expressive of any female comic working now. She's got this Lucille Ball kind of range of facial expressions, and I just can't stop laughing at her when she starts mugging for the camera.

#2: Emma Stone: Also in House Bunny, where she played the lead 'extremely nerdy chick', Anna Farris saved the day by slutting her up a bit. Emma works on screen because she's got good girl charm, but kind of an evil grin, and beauty to accompany those assets. Following up on Zombieland, Easy A was her big breakout roll, where she took the lead and solidified herself as an actress who plays smart, level-headed female characters who overcomes obstacles with good intentions and a bit of articulation. Her kind of roles have otherwise been pretty rare in film lately, and its great to see them back. I can't help but think that they must reflect some part of her own personality.
Frankly, its part of her appeal. The ability to mix sex appeal with intelligence, wit, and a strength of moral character, and to STILL be interesting and funny on screen... she's the type of girl you'd take home to Ma. Can't wait to see her play Gwen Stacy in the upcoming Spider-Man films.

#1: Karen Gillan: She's the girl who inspired this little column. Amy Pond, of Dr Who's latest season. I really only know her from that show, though its a good 12 hours of screen time, so you see her in a range of situations and the emotional spectrum. Amy has won over most Who fans in a way no other companion probably has since Sarah Jane, way back in the Tom Baker days.
Its the adorable round face, the striking red hair, the lilting Scottish accent, that lean body, her cheeky remarks, everything she does on screen is a delight. And, Hell, she just looks like she'd be a good kisser, doesn't she? Maybe that's just me...
There's not been a moment of her time on screen, be it embarrassing her parents at a wedding, blasting aliens, time traveling to torment herself as a little girl, or falling in love with Roman soldiers, in moments funny or sad (but mostly funny), that's been anything less than wonderful. The 6th season starts this Saturday night.

So, that's all I've got for now. Thanks for humoring me, folks. Go check out the fine work of these actresses, some of them well known, some not so much. All of them, though, worth watching.

Found Art and Scary Babies

2011-04-13T04:27:00.000-07:00

I was recently trying to earn a little extra cash doing some political work out here in Vegas. While I was prowling about, door-to-door, I came across a little note on the ground, which some school girl had surely dropped. I'd hoped for a juicy love letter, but I found a work of fiction instead. I thought I'd share this masterpiece, typed verbatim:

Mary This happend in 2003

One day this girl named mary she was walking home from school she saw this shadow and it looked like a man with spikeie hair she stop and look and saw nothin' she kept walking finaly she was at her house she got her keys out of her packet and opened her house door her mom and her baby brother was there her dad died from sliping in the shower but there was something that had to do with the bady mary is the main one who takes care of her baby brother because her mom is scared of the bady. (editor's note: at last, this story, and likely its writer, just reached its first period!)

Everytime she looks at her bady she sees something evil mary knows how her dad really died they day he died he toke a shower but sometimes the sister puts the bady down so the bady can cawl around so while the dad is takeing a shower the bady go's crawling to the shower and when the bady opens the door he looks at his father with his RED evil eyes and nobody can look the bady in the eyes because if they do, they will die.

Your education system at work, Nevada. Okay, a little unfair. I don't know who wrote this thing, and without that context, I mean, this could have been written by a brilliant effing 1st grader or something.

Two things that stand out to me: firstly, what's up with the shadow Mary sees at the beginning here? It doesn't seem to be related to the baby at all. Well, maybe the author is just prepping for a career writing ghost stories for Hollywood by making the ghost DO SHIT THAT MAKES NO SENSE to fill in 90 minutes of runtime before finally getting around to revenge or possessing their sister, or whatever.

My other question is... this girl knows how to pronounce the word 'baby', right? I mean, she knows what a 'b' looks like, because she uses it to begin the word. But, there we are, two whole letters later, and she's swapped it for a 'd'. Bady? A typo is one thing, but she's made that same error about a dozen times in two, um, sentences. So, either she thinks the word is pronounced 'Baedee' or she's working under the impression that consonants in alliterative words have to be mirror images of each other.

Well, if she doesn't drop out of school and go to work for the Spearmint Rhino this year, maybe I'll find a sequel on the ground one of these days. We need to see how Mary takes care of the evil, demonic bady.

Affection/Affectation Plays at Bare Bones Film Festival!!

2011-04-05T02:10:00.000-07:00

Probably the first of many posts about this. So, for all of those who subscribe to this blog, my Twitter, my Facebook, and all of that... well, you don't get an apology, just grin and bare it. This is PMP Production's first film fest selection and, like an over-eager teen who just lost his virginity, we've got to brag about it where ever we can.

So, more concisely stated: Affection/Affectation, the first full-length feature completed by Lawrence, KS based PMP Productions, and Directed by Aubry Peters, has been made an official selection of the Bare Bones Film Festival. As if that weren't cool enough, the film has also been nominated for Best Comedy of the year, and Aubry has been nominated for Film Auteur of the Year. Really, its an honor just to get a selection (we can put those little laurels on subsequent package printings! And not ironically or mockingly!), but to get the nominations on top is just... well, its goddamn amazing is what it is.

The one down-side is that the film's screening area is away from the main festival, and in a little side shop, John Michael's. So, if you're in the Oklahoma area, or attending the con, please find your way over to the screening. If you know people who might be going to the festival, or live in Oklahoma, tell them to check out the film. We're small, of course, and can use all the support we can gather.

Link to Festival Info

Link to Venue Info

Link to Film Trailer

Also, the film is already available on DVD. I know Aubry just got fresh copies in from the printers, and they should be ready to ship! Get a copy for yourself here. A bargain really. Amazon will carry this eventually, but they will be doubling the price, so buy direct.

Not ones to rest on our laurels, PMP has also had one of its shorts, You Dun It, directed by yours truly, requested by the Dead by Dawn film fest in Scotland. If we get selected to screen, be aware, I'm calling for donations so I can fly over there and crash in a hostel to be able to show the damn thing.

And, as mentioned last time, production has officially begun on The Dire Digest, our second full length feature. Without going into too much detail, its a horror piece, and each of the PMP founders will be shooting and directing their own segment of the film. Portland's own Josh Winegarner has just finished shooting his section, with myself as the (nearly dead) lead actor. Only five more to go! More on that as it develops.

In the meantime, thanks very much to everyone who has supported the works so far, and also to those who will be supporting in the near future. Our little group has stories to tell, and its all of the encouragement given by friends and family that allow us to pursue our dreams, and cast our voices out into the world.

Update!!

2011-03-28T18:24:00.001-07:00

Been a while since I've done much with the writing, aside from the lengthy Heroclix reviews. Its been a pretty sparse March for witty words and turns of phrase. I've been working on some new projects with a few film fellows from the area and beyond. A quick update:

- PMP Productions has entered into production on its 2nd full length feature! The first section of this anthology film is now filmed, and ready for editing! More soon...

- Glenbrook Studios is beginning pre-production on their new super-secret big project which will launch the studio officially into the large, full-feature domain. I can't give any details, but if you're interested in getting onto the ground floor of this exciting new venture, Google them, and see if you can lend talent or even further funding.

- VegasWood studios is in the script phase of a new, character driven feature film. I've got the outline in, and the full script will be drafted soon.

- Padinga is skyrocketing in popularity, content, and quality. Check out Padinga.com right away!

So, I'm pretty busy, but more content will be on the way very, very quickly. Keep them eyes peeled!

GAMA Day 2: Heroclix

2011-03-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

I spent the whole day in the Wizkids booth today, and no complaints. I spent 5 hours talking about Heroclix. A lot of it was describing orders vs shortages and their fixes to people, or giving suggestions about how to grow their organized play environments, but hey, one of my favorite topics. There's very little else I could talk about for 5 hours... maybe movies and naked ladies, but I think that's it.

So... spoilers for late 2011/early 2012. I know, I know, keep it in your pants, fellas. I wasn't allowed to take photos, because some of the stuff is still in concept, and they can't use images of anything licensed until its approved by the owner. That said, some things may change before release, take them with a grain of salt. Still, exciting news...

- Green Lantern is confirmed for a May 15th release. $15.99 MSRP, it has 6 figs from the GL movie, with costumes based on that design. This is the first of the new Fast Forces packs. Similar to a starter, but without rule book and tokens and things, so the price point is lower, a bit more accessible for new players. Includes a 2-Sided Map, and dice. (They will at least be green. They want to put the lantern symbol on them, but cost and time may prohibit this) Figures make two 300 point forces, or one up to 600.

- There is also a Thor Fast Forces pack to coincide with that movie. Its been solicited to stores, but no info was released at the show so far as contents.

- Captain America: 2 releases. First, the Gravity Feed. June 15th release day, 1 fig, $2.99. These will have sculpts from the main Cap set, but new dials. On June 29th, the main Cap set releases. Currently 63 figs in set, including ones with removable components. Figs shown included Cap on a peanut base, with his shield being tossed/bounced off a wall, held in clear plastic to represent the impact. Shield is removable, and other figs can pick up/use it. Weapon X is in his tube; he has a counter system so that after a few turns, if he's not defeated, he breaks out and goes berserker on enemy figures. Human Torch has a Charge mechanic for a Nova Blast, he has a removable flame bubble-thing that goes around his figure when he's charged. There will be 6 or 7 figs like this in the set. Also, a huge, SR MODOK was revealed. He absolutely dwarfs the old Modok, big, highly detailed.

- Street Fighter is tentatively scheduled for August, but that could well change, depending on Capcom's wishes. There are 33 figs in the set, representing 24 characters. The others will be repaints in their SFII Turbo colors, with unique dials. These are sold in 1 fig boosters, 24 to a box. HOWEVER, the set is collated so that if you by 12 of them, they are wrapped like a brick. In each brick, there are NO dupes. If you buy both bricks, the dupes should be kept to a minimum. All but 1 fig has a clear plastic element (IE, Ryu is charging his Hadoken, Guile looks awesome on his Flash Kick, in mid-air). While these are Clix compatible, there are also unique rules for 1v1 fighting-game-like gameplay.

- Lord of the Rings will be released in a couple different formats. It will be compatible with Heroclix, but like Street Fighter, it will also have its own unique, Epic Rules to run a rings-like, simulation skirmish. There is a deluxe set, similar to Watchmen, called the Campaign Box. It will have a similar price point. For those who want the figs but can't do it all at once, there will be a starter and some single-fig packs as well. Should be out this year.

- Superman is set for Fall of 2011. Currently set at 54 figs. This set is going to try something a little different with the Brick fig, randomly packing it into one of the packs in the brick itself, so retailers dont have to worry about storing the damn things. Busted bricks on the shelves might happen to treat a buyer with an extra random brick figure inside. Supposedly it will contain the 'definitive' Superman, or a close approximation; they want to offer fans a big, accessible Superman like they've been clamoring for. Also shown were designs for Superboy (Reign of the Supermen), Black Adam (designed by the last champ), Cyborg Supes and Darkseid. Those last 3 looked unbelievably cool.

- Halo clix will now be compatible with Heroclix. Summer release, 40 figs, Boosters and single fig packs. Also have their own unique, optional rules. No plans for vehicles... yet.

- Gears of War 3. 10 Figs, single fig packs. Release date TBD by the release of the game, which has to street first.

- Okay, so big news for 2012. First off, those 3 Marvel releases that were teased on HCRealms yesterday. Those are Hulk, Infinity Gauntlet, and The Mighty Avengers. They will be out... all in the first half of 2012? They are smaller sets (think 30-45 figs?) for easier collectability. Also, close together so that if there is a crazy rush, like on GSX, or even just with a sell-out like DC 75th, there is something else right around the corner for players to anticipate. Each set will have its own OP kit, but the events in them will kind of have a thematic link between them, leading up to a big event at the end. Think Coming of Galactus big. This will be made in a way to encourage players to stick around through all the events, rather than just sniping one LE and retiring.

- So, what about DC? Well, plans are slower for them because Justin and DC are in talks about doing some new stuff. First off, they'd like to do a big set like GSX with Super Boosters for DC. The only big thing they have access to right now is the Batmobile, which is still out there, and waiting for the right time to release. It'll be up to their collaborative brainstorming to determine what's going on there. There is also a new possible type of release that... well, I don't really know the details to it, and I think Justin is really pumped about it and will want to announce it himself. But I will say that it reminds me of reminds me of another use for the abbreviation DC. Direct. Current.

Also addressed were the Zero to Hero programs, the new store-finder and OP programs online, investigation into venues selling OP kits and other vendor-related issues. If any stores would like summaries of that info, let me know.

Also asked about: Horrorclix. No plans right now. Won't rule it out forever, but its a brand that was only successful in pockets, and needs serious reevaluation.

Pirates: Brand is not dead, but the polystyrene format is. It has become too cost-prohibitive to produce that style of game now.

No current Indyclix plans.

Aaaand that's all the pertinent WK info for now. *whew* busy weekend.

GAMA Day 1

2011-03-16T01:15:00.000-07:00

I'm helping at GAMA this year (Game Manufacturer's Trade Show) at the booth for Wizkids, the guys who make Heroclix. I took advantage of my Exhibitor pass to take in a couple of the press releases, wander around, and swipe cookies and fried chicken from the banquet hall.

Early day tomorrow if I want to hit the Wizkids Heroclix presentation (and I do. Shit's like plastic crack, and I needs me my hit). But, I wanted to throw up some info for what I saw today. The short, short version:

Steve Jackson Games:
I only mention them first because I saw at their booth a banner for Mother Effin' AXE COP: THE GAME!! "Chop Their Heads Off and Take Their Stuff!" I pooped. And orgasmed. It was awkward.

Wizkids:
Sat in on their presentation, so I obviously saw the most from them.

Hunger Games:
- Based on the Young Adult fiction series of the same name, which I understand is becoming immensely popular, and may have a movie coming out soon. WK snatched up the rights to this series preemptively, and they have a game based on its post-apocalyptic, gladiator-training remnant society. Aside from that, no idea how it plays, but I know its being, currently, marketed towards the teen girl demographic. I'm amazed that a series of books about gladiators fighting on a scorched Earth is selling so well with teen girls, but more power to 'em. Can't be worse than Twilight, and we can always use more girl gamers.

Christmas Story:
Based on the old movie with Ralphie and the bunny suit... you know the one. Its an old school board game based around movie trivia. Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

Jeff Dunham:
Not much known here, other than they have a license based around the popular Vegas comedian. I see this giant towering over me, Galactus style, on the highway every day. Game may or may not be based around joke cards, and may or may not have an electronic reader with vocals. Party game for that Scattergories type of crowd who happens to watch a lot of Comedy Central.

Iron Maiden:
Already known by most gamers, this release targeted at old Metal fans comes in 2 forms. First will be a stand-alone board game with 4 highly detailed figures of Eddie, the IM mascot/zombie/warrior. There will also be a Heroclix compatible set of the figs in a gravity feed or something. More on that tomorrow. Release date, "This year-ish".

Star Trek (Two games, Expeditions and Fleet Captains):

- Expeditions- Based on the new movie universe, this is a fast-paced cooperative game. It has a mission tree, which is a series of cards with Dilemmas on them which must be solved using your Crew's skills. Over time, the missions branch out, and you follow the path, based on your success rate, down to the final resolution of your story arc to see how your mission ended. Success or failure. 1-4 players, about $50. 300 cards makes for a ton of mission variety. This one releases June 15th. Not sure about this next game. I think they're shooting for fall. It has more pieces and a longer production time.

- Fleet Captains- This is the big boy, much bigger than I'd expected. MSRP $80-100 (not sure yet). Its a hex-tile based game, a bit in the vein of Twilight Imperium. The universe is randomized, but unlike TI, you can make the universe in all kinds of geometric patterns, whatever floats your boat. Currently 2 or 4 players, you play as Federation or Klingons and you vie for planetary control across the universe. Your ships have limited power to spread between engines, shields, weapons systems, and you have to plan accordingly how to use them each turn, to maneuver, to defend, to attack. Contains 24 large, deluxe, sculpted miniatures, and a whole bunch of cards and tokens and things. Has characters and event cards spanning all of the Treks, except for the movie. That is 'its own universe' even in the game. Future expansions with more races may be coming.

Quarriors- Dice based game. 20 minutes to learn, 30 minutes to play each game. 130 pre-molded dice, and a few cards to go with each. Large dice pool and randomized cards which change the functions of the dice make for some surprises and lots of replay value.

Mage Knight- The brand is being relaunched, but I'll say that the game is not. This is not compatible with the old Mage Knight figs, so leave them on the shelf. However, the world, the fiction, the characters that the game was based on will return. This is a boxed game, not collectible. It does have a click mechanic, but its not a squad-based game. This iteration will be an epic campaign game with more of a roleplaying edge. No details on mechanics yet.

Lord of the Rings- Again, they are using the license for two products. There will be a Heroclix compatible one, but for now, I've only heard about this board game. Stand Alone, 1-4 players, semi-coop. Players play as the Nazgul, hunting the Hobbits. Players have to work together to find and kill the Ring-Bearer before he reaches Mount Doom. Failure means all the players lose. However, there can only be one winner, so at some point, you have to start stabbing each other in the backs. Could be fun. Play with good friends, or risk getting stabbed.

There were also Smurfs and Gremlins, but those are so far out of my demographic, typing about them will cause me to seize up.

Wizkids is definitely all about variety this year, with a ton of games for a ton of audiences, each with their own feel and medium. Its quite a change from the day where it was 50 iterations of Clix (though, more of those too). You can see them trying to stretch and reach as many people as they can, building a solid foundation in poor financial times that they might grow with explosive speed when people are spending cash like crazy again. I think Trek, in particular, could stick around. It wasn't long ago I started looking at old 80's Trek games, wishing there was a good board game for the property. A friend of mine has this old-assed Klingon Empire politics game, and its pretty solid fun. Really looking forward to seeing Fleet Captains completed.

As for the other guys...

AEG:

Where Wizkids was all about growth, AEG took the other business direction and has decided to trim the fat. They released some products that did weaker sales last year, and they say that they knew out of the gate that they might fail. This year, its all about the core titles.

- Legend of the Five Rings Emperor Edition- The old game gets a facelift. Better art, refined card design, better packaging, new marketing campaign. This is now the Premium CCG. I've always liked this game, I hope it continues to thrive.

- L5R gets some more boxed campaign stuff for their RPGs.

- I don't know much about Nightfall and Thunderstone, but they both will receive heavy support this year, with a new expansion for Nightfall, and plenty of supplements for Thunderstone.

They have made the transition from CCG guys to Boxed Game guys. This year will be a time of fortification before seeking more expansion. Oh, but there is some mystery Ninja game they're working on...

Wizards of the Coast:

- So far, not a whole lot going on here. More Magic: The Gathering, which has continued its growth, as always. Still remains the most stable game in most stores. Some pictures with packaging for the next set popped up, but that's about it. I expect more announcements over the week, of course. Today was just spent touting Magic. ... do these guys have any other licenses now? D&D of course, but the minis line got cancelled... maybe we'll see some more boxed games. Those seem to be a huge hit for everyone right now.

Sandstorm:
- Biggest announcement was the continuation of Cthulhu Tech, and the introduction of a Cthulhu Tech miniatures game, kind of in the WarMachine vein. Plan is to release base armies, and then 1 new unit for each of 4 factions each month.

- Another heavy sci-fi, Lovecraft inspired RPG set is on the way this year. Revamped rule set. Also, in general, just a lot of Sci-Fi RPG books. Great production value on some of these.

- A few other party games coming. Nuts! and Kittens in a Blender stood out the most.

Paizo:

Turn your mic up, none of us could hear anything, dammit!

Okay, and that's what I've got for now. Time for bed. Photos coming in time... but not today. I'll probably have a photo album mash-up at the end of the week.

I probably shouldn't be thinking this hard about Dragon Ball Z

2011-03-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

... but, here it is.

So, I'm watching the remastered DBZ, known as Dragon Ball Kai, where they've cut out much of the filler and random yelling and flashbacks, so the story moves briskly, is in-line with the comics, and its all redone in HD. Awesome.

So, we're at the part where Cell detonates himself to destroy the Earth, and Goku has to teleport him to King Kai's world to save the planet.

So, Cell's explosion would be enough to disintegrate the planet, meaning he could destroy a ball of solid rock 7,926 miles in diameter. King Kai's planet LOOKS like its floating all on its own in this episode, but its not, its at the end of Snake Way, a narrow path that leads to King Yamma's soul processing Heaven gate, and also passes over Hell somewhere in the middle.

Its been established that Snake Way is 10,000 miles long. It also has many long curves in it, and it doesn't go in a straight path. With those curves probably taking up about a third of the distance, its roughly 6,666 miles between King Kai and King Yamma, with Hell between them (appropriate). If Cell's explosion will be 7,926 miles wide, at the least, then that must mean that King Yamma, Hell, and Heaven, or at least its gates, were all destroyed in the explosion as well, right?

... and yet, they pop up again later, completely untouched.

I guess I really shouldn't think too hard about a show where super-powered karate men shoot beams at each other to win a magic set of wishing spheres... but, it happens.

External Linkage Double Dose

2011-02-28T19:44:00.000-08:00

I forgot to put a couple of my articles here in the archives. Well, no time like the present. Over on Padinga, we explore the death of Guitar Hero. Find that HERE.

And over on Brutal As Hell, we talk about the VOD release of the Chinese Horror flick, Dream Home. Find that HERE.

Its GOOD FOR YOU!!!... but really, do go and support these two fine media outlets.

External Linkage

2011-02-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

After a long wait, we're treated once again with another fantastic fright-fest from BthroughZ.com! This month's issue includes a plethora of interviews, and a gaggle of film reviews, atop a cornucopia of cadavers. Er... something, yeah, that works.

Speaking of BthroughZ, have you ever tried Googling that? The site's title, run through a search engine, produces probably the greatest series of non-sequitur images ever conceived. Along with Jamie's awesome art compilations and the beautiful faces of both Britt (who actually Edits Brutal As Hell... whatever) and Ben, you also find a bevy of bloody, bare-breasted babes and an assortment of mind-twisting images. Example below. Follow the period girl to the front page.

Here are direct links to my own work for the month, an interview with and review of the film works of Andre Perkowski. He's an odd duck, and a very unique film personality. Give 'em a read! Your brain will thank you, just before it explodes.

FILMS OF

WORDS WITH

Leakin' Lubricants!!

2011-02-06T05:53:00.000-08:00

*sigh* Did this really need to be saved? .... yes, yes it did. I just couldn't help myself.

A few years ago, a friend of mine by the 'net handle of ExMortis wrote up a mock Transformers slash-fic. If any of you have ever read slash-fic, you know the high literary standards that its authors hold themselves to. *ahem*

The result was this: Leakin' Lubricants. Even though its only about half a page long, I think it might be the finest piece of comedy written in the internet age. Six years later, and I still laugh, every time I see it. So, pulled from the ruins of Live Journal, here we go.

Some stuff never stops haunting you, Mortis...

"Director's commentary: I wish I could say this wasn't the best thing I've done in my life, but I think it probably is.

AUTHORS NOTE
This taeks place right after the season 1 episode "SMOKE ON THE MOUNTAIN" and at the ened this aztec girl says shell take Spike back to meet her brothers blue convertible we call it Juanita so I thought I could write in a big surprise about Juanita :)

LEAKIN' LUBRICANT
by Soundwave69

Bumblebee took Spike and that one girl back to the village to meet Juanita. Bumblebee wasn't expecting Juanita to be a sexy female transformer!
"Your a autobot?" Says Bumblebee. "Yes I got off the ark 4 million years ago and took the form of this girl's brother's corvette" says Juanit\a. "Pretty hot for a 4m illion years old chick" says Spike "You said it".
So Juanita starts to take off Bumblebee's codpiece "What in the universE?" Says Bee but Juanity just takes it off and begins to suck his cybertronic penis. Oohh" Bee mo

ans. Spike is starting to get horny too when that girl says hey lets get inside them while they have sex and we can have sex to oif you know what I mean, it's good to have robots for friends :)
Bumblebee is doing Juanita in the driveway there and Spike anmd the girl are pluged into their optics and sexual sensors so they feel it too, and its hot. Yo udont think robots would have hot sex but they do. Finally Bumblebee shoots his lubricant all over Juanita's face.
Then Optimus prime showed up from where Megatron had the aztec gun made of cybertron steel. But they beat him and megatron wasn't there anymore so Optimus prime was going back to the Arc. He was like "Autobots! Transform and fuck Juanita" except he was the only one there and Bumblebee but Bumblebee already was done so Optimus just laughed and fucked juanita but he didn't transform either.
This time the girl was still in Juanita but spike wasn't so the girl got like fucked by Optimus Prime. He has the biggest cybertron penis out of all the autobots even bigger than Soundwave's if you believe that so Juanita had a lot of pleasure needless to say.

TO BE CONTUNIED..."

If you want more, a cursory search online produced a site that had 46 pages of nothing but gay Transformers art. Rule 34, people, I can't even begin to make all of this up. Click on the out-of-context-boner-lookin-still-frame to see more... you perv.

External Linkage

2011-02-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

Another review up on BRUTAL AS HELL, this time for Sean Bean vehicle Black Death. Its pretty awesome, check out the deets on BAH.

Or, if you want to just jump right to the movie, follow the links below!

(Links forthcoming, I appear to have beaten Amazon to the punch in adding their VOD images)

Your Highness

2011-02-03T03:10:00.000-08:00

Last night, Vegas was treated to a preview screening of the upcoming movie, Your Highness. Its a new comedy Directed by David Gordon Green, most famous for Pineapple Express, and written by and starring Danny McBride of Eastbown and Down, which is also one of Green's productions.

Right off the bat, lemme tell ya, if you're going to go see this movie, you better be comfortable with dicks. Every couple seconds, you'll be hearing about, thinking about, and maybe even seeing a bit of cock. If you're okay with that, then proceed.

Your Highness is a medieval comedy with a few stoner twists tacked on (appropriate, given the creators' past works). The adventure mainly belongs to Thadeous (McBride), though the quest would not even be were it not for his brother Fabious (James Franco, 127 Hours, Spider-Man). Fabious has returned from his latest quest, once again successful and heroic, this time with a betrothed Bride, the lovely and simple (possible Asperger's Syndrome?) Belladonna (Zooey Dechenel). There is a great celebration for Flabious's wedding, and its during this that the sibling rivalry that drives the movie kicks in.

Thadeous lives in his brother's shadow, getting stoned and messing up even the simplest of tasks, usually in his bid at bedding whatever easy ladies may cross his path. He feels he can never live up to his brother's might and valor, and skips the wedding, opting to go toke-up with the Shepards outside of town. Its during this night of cavorting and sheep-chasing that the castle is attacked by the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux, Parks and Recreation), who steals Belladonna, hoping to impregnate her with his wizard's seed so that he might have her birth a dragon in accordance with an ancient prophecy.

Okay, so, that's the detailed explanation. Really it all boils down to: bad guy has the girl, and is doing bad stuff. Brothers have to stop bad guy by putting their differences aside. Yes, Thadeus is ordered to help his brother save his bride or be exiled, much to his disdain. Fabious regards the thing as a grand adventure, two brothers on a quest, and acts giddy with child-like glee through the whole escapade.

Oh, and along the way they run into Isabel (Natalie Portman, Black Swan). We'll come back to her in a second.

So, the best way to describe this thing, and I'm usually loathe to use this technique, is to compare it to two other well known movies. Its Robin Hood: Men in Tights meets Tropic Thunder. Seriously. It has the goofiness and irreverence of Robin Hood, but it is dirtier and raunchier and feels like Tropic Thunder, no doubt thanks to McBride's writing. I don't know that I'll say its as successful as Tropic Thunder, as its not as nicely layered with biting satire, or as relatable, but it does work in a lot of ways.

So, overall I liked it, and I think the test audience did too. There were lots of laughs the whole time through, and some surprising one-liners that you could hear a few audience members repeat out loud, as if doing so just made the moment that much more satisfying. There are also some action scenes and creative magic attacks that are honestly pretty impressive, but the audience isn't so into the story as to really care all that much. We want the jokes, dammit!

What makes the film work all around is the cast. McBride is pretty funny as Thadeus, though his character isn't anything new. He's your typical selfish slob that has to find his own self-worth and turn it around and yadda yadda yadda. This could have been played by Jack Black or Seth Rogan and it would have been pretty much the same. A necessary character to have, in order to have a development arc, but the character is very plug and play. Fabious is what makes the brother dynamic work. James Franco is my homeboy. Since Spider-Man 2 (not so much the first one), this guy's been impressing the crap out of me in dramatic and comedic roles. He just seems to put 110% into every role he plays. Also, he's on my top list of dudes in Hollywood I'd want to party with. He brings a bit of serious action, melodramatic intensity, and a ridiculous child-like wonder to the role. He really seems to love his brother, and enjoy every second of the adventure, and he passes that along to the audience.

Of course, its just as the brother dynamic starts to get a little too serious, wear a little thin, that we're introduced to Natalie Portman as Isabelle. Though she gets first billing, Portman is only in about half the movie, so you can tell how much value her star has these days. Her character is played completely straight, which is what makes her so ridiculously funny. She's in so many stupid situations, but her straight-man attitude is so over-important that you can't help but laugh at her. She's like a 90's comic character, all blood and guts and misery, with a hatred for her enemies that "has been burning in her beaver for years." Natalie keeps the movie fresh and sexy, and the audience seemed to really like seeing the Best Actress contender flex her comedic muscles.

Beyond the cast and their great delivery, there are a few choice scenes that all audiences who aren't easily offended should enjoy. Highlights include a visit to a perverted old wizard (Voiced by John Kassir, famous for The Crypt Keeper's voice), a battle against a giant snake backed by an army of topless women, a hilarious dash of anachronism (just about every curse or cheer sees the characters drop their fakey Brit accents and use modern expressions), and most memorably a well-endowed minotaur. Yes, he's hung like a bull.

Toss in a few bizarre bickerings between the (honestly underused) Belladonna and the wizard, and you've got the workings of a good genre comedy. Nothing like seeing the wedding ceremony banquet and then creeping over to the tower of the bachelor wizard to see him making a feast of fish sticks, mashed potatoes, and peas.

On a more personal note, this movie works very well for the nerd-niche. Your Highness plays very similar to the silliest nights playing Dungeons and Dragons. You know those evenings, where your DM has crafted this epic, in-all-seriousness adventure full of twists and turns and drama. Your characters get in place, you think you can stop the evil-wizard's plans for the young virgin and then... you roll a critical miss. And your character yells, "Fuck. Balls! This fuckin' quest sucks." Likewise, you get the character who has to get drunk at every turn, and the character that is so stupidly serious and badass that everyone else snickers at them behind their back. Everything becomes a sexual innuendo. Before you know it, the drama is gone, and the game has become guys tossing dice around and making sex jokes. Thats Your Highness. Its my Saturday nights in High School compressed into two hours.

Alright, so, from that you should be able to tell if this is your kind of movie or not. Its sick and twisted, its really just ridiculously goofy, and full of 'what the fuck?' kind of moments all the way through. Good for a shocker kind of laugh. Here's a couple things to watch out for.

First off, the stoner humor doesn't really work. Its kind of tossed in because of the connection to Pineapple Express, and it does kind of fit the character of Thadeous, but its honestly the weakest selection of jokes in the film. There are probably a lot of weed jokes on the cutting room floor, and the ones that are left in the movie just seem to stick out like a sore thumb, and never go anywhere. The ones in the wizard's chamber do pretty well, but the rest just kind of hang around awkwardly. There need to be either more of these to play off each other, or none at all.

Of course, that's kind of the whole issue that makes the movie feel a little jumbled and weird is the editing. Its terrible. People just looking for a night out and a few laughs won't notice, really, but the cinema-philes will hate the bad cuts and the lack of continuity. This is becoming more typical in the post-Apatow era of comedy movies. Film the thing, ad-lib and whole bunch of different lines, and cut and paste a movie together from the favorite takes. Sometimes the lines dont' fit in certain scenes though, and sometimes scenes get excised as all the constant ad-libbing changes the flow of the movie. Its noticeable. You get things like lines in the trailer that aren't in the movie, some jokes that seem to get cut-off half developed, and other ones that maybe go on a bit too long. Continuity errors result, the most notorious one being a spear that magically appears next to a previously captured and unarmed Isabelle, just before she uses it to kill a major bad guy. There was probably supposed to be a sequence in there where she got the spear, but it was likely cut around in favor of other jokes, or the joke in that scene got ad-libbed in somewhere else. I get the feeling there are a lot of these that will pop up upon multiple viewings.

See that picture up there in the above paragraph? That scene is in the movie, but that shot isn't; just more ad-libs than an editor knows what to do with.

Overall, its not bad. I had a good time, and I think most of the rest of the audience did too. A strange crowd pleaser in the vein of Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder, Superbad, Walk Hard, etc. The sword and sorcery bit may be a little too exotic for some, but if you can get into the fantasy elements and laugh at the old cliches, then you'll really dig this sloppy, goofy mess of a movie for what it is.

Hey, bonus, there's a big cock hastily edited out of the below scene from the end of the movie. Can you spot it? I guarantee if you go to see this movie, you will...

External Linkage

2011-02-03T02:06:00.000-08:00

Here's a little something for fans of one media realm I've been ignoring for far too long: Video Games. I always start the year strong with gaming, pick it up around E3, and then just kinda poop out in the fall doldrums before the X-mas rush even happens.

Well, I can't really promise that won't happen again this year, but we'll try. I'm already gearing up for my annual state of the union address.

In the meantime, here's a link to a little something at PADINGA, just a few random gaming stories I found interesting, and threw them together. Enjoy this for now, something bigger is on the horizon.

Oh, also, Break threw all of our archives on the site from BMX, so you can check out some old comics and past E3 adventures and such. Woot!

External Linkage

2011-01-31T21:33:00.000-08:00

Got a review up on BrutalasHell.com, covering the upcoming horror flick, The Vanishing on 7th Street. You can either wait for theatrical release or, as these smaller movies have been doing lately, you can already find it on Amazon.com's VOD channels.

Follow the link to Brutal As Hell, and enjoy!

(these nearly identical links are for the VOD downloadable film, and for the Soundtrack, respectively. Choose, but choose wisely)

Old MacDonald Had a Zombie, ia ia oooooooongh

2011-01-28T02:28:00.000-08:00

A new indy-distribution group called Maya-Entertainment has popped up, and sent a little bit out one of their upcoming horror releases to my inbox the other day. It looks interesting enough, so I thought I'd toss it up for you guys.

ZOMBIE FARM:
Part zombie, part voodoo! Desperate to end her husband’s domestic abuse, a young woman seeks asylum from a local voodoo priestess. When warned that her husband (Khotan) may “change” if given a special potion, the abused wife is relieved. But waking up in bed next to a zombie isn’t exactly the transformation she was hoping for. Her once violent husband becomes the leader of a zombie uprising, terrorizing, and then converting the townsfolk into un-dead assassins. Clearly, some things are far worse than death.

So, it obviously suffers from some of the usual bits of cheese thats typical to straight-to-video movies, particularly horror. I mean, the idea that people can be so focused on the spy video they're filming to not see a ring of about ten zombies circle their car and pop up from around them... yeah, video cheese, and a cheap jump-scare.

Still, its kind of cool to see the notion of VooDoo zombies come back into play, as you don't really see it much any more. The rising popularity of Romero's zombie model continues to eclipse what had once been the sole vision of the zombie as a creation of black magic. Tales from the Crypt had some VooDoo creations in it, and I think before that the last feature about VooDoo was Serpent and the Rainbow.
This seems to mix the two genres together, the undead appear to be pretty cannibalistic in that trailer; but still it could be interesting to see some magic, and someone crafting a little regional army of brainwashed ghouls.

The DVD comes out March 8th, so it won't be long before we can give it a shot!

Zombie Farm

Them Goldenest of Globes

2011-01-15T13:03:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the 2010 Golden Globes. I thought I'd take a moment to try to guess the winners, and maybe chime in on the selection of 'best films' for this last year. Overall, it was a weak year for films, the lowest attendance in theaters in 15 years. Despite that, there are always some gems that stand out above the rest. Even so, a few crap films slipped into the mix this year. Ahhh, studio politics.

Oh, and we're going doing the film portion of this. I don't watch TV, can't fairly judge it.

So, here we go...

Best Motion Picture – Drama
Black Swan

The Fighter

Inception

The King’s Speech

The Social Network

Five great films. The Fighter was an unexpected addition to the lists, but its in almost every category. I think every year, its just required that there's a boxing movie up for best picture. Its a genre unto itself. Aside from that we've got a dark, female, character driven drama in Black Swan. You've got a crazy sci-fi commercial hit in Inception (the popular one, to give the ratings a boost). And to round it off you've got 2 historic dramas in Kings Speech and Social Network.

The smart money here is on The Social Network. Kings Speech and The Fighter are both good, but their direction is a bit pedestrian. Black Swan is an amazing film, but I don't think it has the wide appeal to win over the judges; also, telling an analog of Swan Lake in a movie about Swan Lake, might be too cheeky for some. Inception is great, but very exposition heavy, and those big sci-fi crazy films don't USUALLY win at awards time. They're more about concept than cinema.

In Social Network, you've got a smartly directed drama peppered with fine performances, and fantastic dialog. Its been on the top of most critics' top 10 lists all year, and I don't think that's bound to change now.

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Alice in Wonderland

Burlesque

The Kids Are All Right

Red

The Tourist

Alice in Wonderland: Derivative Crap. Red: Predictable Crap. Burlesque and The Tourist: Just Crap. By process of elimination The Kids Are All Right will take it. That and its the only one with any dramatic punch on top of its comedy.

Best Director – Motion Picture

Darren Aronofsky – Black Swan

David Fincher – The Social Network

Tom Hooper – The King’s Speech

Christopher Nolan – Inception

David O. Russell – The Fighter

I immediately count out King's Speech and The Fighter. Kings Speech was good but too general. Fighter had some interesting shot choices, but the fight sequences were... ugh, just so bad. Movie wasn't really about that, but still, they looked like ass. Black Swan lacks any real problems, but I just don't think its going to push past the rest of the competition.

Its either Social Network or Inception here. 50/50 and I think I'm going to go with Inception as my guess here. While Social Network pulled better dramatic performances from its cast, Inception required an incredible eye for detail to pull off, and managed to turn a very complex, mentally taxing story into a popular success. I think only Nolan could have done that.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

Jesse Eisenberg – The Social Network

Colin Firth – The King’s Speech

James Franco – 127 Hours

Ryan Gosling – Blue Valentine

Mark Wahlberg – The Fighter

All fine performances here, but to me, it comes down between James Franco and Colin Firth. James Franco was the only man on screen for the majority of 127 Hours, and managed to keep you riveted with his one-man show. Meanwhile, Firth went through a complete transformation into Prince Albert with his very convincing speech tick. Look for Colin Firth to pull this one out, I think.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Johnny Depp – Alice in Wonderland

Johnny Depp – The Tourist

Paul Giamatti – Barney’s Version

Jake Gyllenhaal – Love And Other Drugs

Kevin Spacey – Casino Jack

Geh. All of these kind of came out of nowhere. Really, Jake Gyllenhaal for his turn in a fine but typically forgettable rom-com? Okay. Money is on Paul Giamatti.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Halle Berry – Frankie and Alice

Nicole Kidman – Rabbit Hole

Jennifer Lawrence – Winter’s Bone

Natalie Portman – Black Swan

Michelle Williams – Blue Valentine

Impressive as Jennifer Lawrence was as the young lead in Winter's Bone, I don't think she showed the transformation, the range of emotion of the other actresses here. Her age wins her points, but it isn't quite enough. For me the choice is Natalie Portman, and I think this is where Black Swan will win its deserved award.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Annette Bening – The Kids Are All Right

Anne Hathaway – Love And Other Drugs

Angelina Jolie – The Tourist

Julianne Moore – The Kids Are All Right

Emma Stone – Easy A

Again, Love and Other Drugs comes from nowhere. Interesting to see Emma Stone up there too, but I like her a lot. This one is going to one of the Kids Are All Right ladies. Flip a coin for which one ummmm... Annette Bening.

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Christian Bale – The Fighter

Michael Douglas – Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Andrew Garfield – The Social Network

Jeremy Renner – The Town

Geoffrey Rush – The King’s Speech

Of the group, Jeremy Renner's the weakest. Geoffrey Rush and Andrew Garfield were good in their parts, but I don't think they stole the show. No, Christian Bale and Michael Douglas were the best parts of the films they were in, shining above the lead actors. I give it to Christian Bale, who again transformed himself from Batman to a crack head, losing weight, gaining the accent the mannerisms. Great. If Douglas wins, it'll be on a cancer vote. Hate to say it, but that's just how the politics of Hollywood work. Congrats, Mr. Douglas, on your recently announced remission, tho.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Amy Adams – The Fighter

Helena Bonham Carter – The King’s Speech

Mila Kunis – Black Swan

Melissa Leo – The Fighter

Jacki Weaver – Animal Kingdom

Again, tough choices. And two more from The Fighter! Never expected it, but the movie really did run on strong character portrayals. Still, the only one who stole the show here was Mila Kunis. She ran on par with Natalie Portman's powerful lead, turning a one-woman show into an ensemble piece. The two of them had to play reflections of each other for the film to work. She's grown so much from That 70's Show, and has finally cut her teeth as a dramatic actress, even if it is as a femme fatale.

Best Animated Feature Film
Despicable Me

How To Train Your Dragon

The Illusionist

Tangled

Toy Story 3

If there's any dark horse here, its going to be The Illusionist, the seldom screened comedy by Sylvain Chomet, Director of the beloved Triplets of Belleville. Still, I think its a pretty safe bet that Toy Story 3 will take the prize here. It was good for kids, and still able to make adults weep at the end. Toy Story 3 brought a successful close to what I like to call 'The Abandonment Trilogy'. Those toys have issues.

Best Foreign Language Film
Biutiful (Mexico, Spain)

The Concert (France)

The Edge (Russia)

I Am Love (Italy)

In A Better World (Denmark)

I haven't seen all of these, but just to hazard a guess, it'll probably go to the intense Biutiful. Gotta love Javier Bardem

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Simon Beaufoy, Danny Boyle – 127 Hours

Christopher Nolan – Inception

Stuart Blumberg, Lisa Cholodenko – The Kids Are All Right

David Seidler – The King’s Speech

Aaron Sorkin – The Social Network

I liked all of these movies, but it has to go to The Social Network. There's no way around it. While the other movies were all driven by concept, The Social Network was driven by dialog and force of character. Aaron Sorkin is one of my screen-writing heroes, and here he showcases his mastery of wit, of characterization, and does it while adapting a long, complex series of events into two quickly passing hours.

Best Original Score – Motion Picture
Alexandre Desplat – The King’s Speech

Danny Elfman – Alice in Wonderland

A. R. Rahman – 127 Hours

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross – The Social Network

Hans Zimmer – Inception

This award goes to Tron Legacy... wait, Tron isn't nominated for Best Score? Well that's bullshit. Say what you will about that movie, Daft Punk's score was pitch perfect, and can be listened to over and over again outside of the parameters of the movie.

Off hand, I'm going to go with Inception here, because it was the most memorable to me, but both 127 Hours and Social Network had great scores to accompany the films, so I wouldn't be surprised if either of them snuck up and took it.

Best Original Song – Motion Picture

“Bound To You” – Burlesque /Music By: Samuel Dixon /Lyrics By: Christina Aguilera and Sia Furler

“Coming Home” – Country Strong/ Music & Lyrics By: Bob DiPiero, Tom Douglas, Hillary Lindsey and Troy Verges

“I See The Light” – Tangled/ Music By: Alan Menken/ Lyrics By: Glenn Slater

“There’s A Place For Us” – Chronicles Of Narnia: The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader/ Music & Lyrics By: Hillary Lindsey, Carrie Underwood and David Hodges

And as for best original song... ugh, I don't even care. None of these stuck with me even moments after the movie. Dawn Treader had a song? Oh, was that the one played over the credits? I think we talked over it. How moving.

I leave that one to you, dear audience...

So, that's my predictions, check back in a day or two and we'll have the tally. Agree, disagree? Shout it out!

Green Hornet: UK Style

2011-01-15T10:41:00.000-08:00

Finally got out to another advance screening the other night: The Green Hornet! But when I sat down to write the review, I found that fellow writer and friend across the pond, Ben Bussey, had already written a review. And not only that, but his thoughts pretty much mirrored my own. What a guy.

Well, anyway, I'm going to save myself some typing time by just sending you over to Ben. Go check out Ka-Boomski! Its his awesome action blog, where you can read about Green Hornet, and all of the guilty pleasure of the action genre. Explosions abound!

KA-BOOMSKI!

A couple of quick additions, before you go:

- My preview was in 3-D, and I have to say that the 3-D is not worth the extra money here. There are very few sequences where its noticeable, and even when it is, you can tell it was added as an afterthought. The 'Kato-Vision' sequences work, but the rest is forgettable. Save the money, see it normally.

- The beginning is really, really choppy. One minute Seth Rogan is getting yelled at by his dad, hung over from a party, and then a cut and Seth Rogan is coming home from a party, and finds out his dad is dead. It seems like a bunch of establishing scenes were cut out. There's also references to the Green Hornet blowing up traffic cameras before a scene that appears to be the first time they actually do that with the car's missiles. It seems like the studio did a lot of re-cutting and trims. It moves quickly, but feels awkward. But then, it is 2 hours as is...

- I really wish they would have given a more definite ending to the film. I mean, it ends, the story resolves, but The Green Hornet never really evolves as a character. A final action sequence with he and Kato both able to fight as equals, set over the Green Hornet theme, would have been awesome. It really is Kato's film.

Well, between myself and Ben, I think you are now prepared. Green Hornet isn't a great film, but its worth seeing. A fun distraction. And after the studio had written it off as 'disaster' in their usual political games, that's a pleasant surprise.

Affection/Affectation- Movie Premiere

2010-12-08T17:22:00.000-08:00

Woo! Busy month here. Despite unemployment, I spent a few weeks being too busy to really do any reviews or general blogs. Just about done with a new screenplay short, and will be working on it with Aubry Peters as soon as we can get together again, probably at the start of the new year.

In the meantime, I'm working at Amazon.com. Just call me Ramona Flowers.

On the creative front, Aubry and PMP Productions just finished their first full-length feature production. Its a little indy written and directed by Aubry, and featuring all of the PMP Crew in various roles. While it has its foibles due to budget constraints, the script is very heart-felt, and I think Aubry did a great job with his first real epic endeavor.

And I was a writing consultant, so of course I'm going to pimp the shit out of it.

The premiere is this week, Sunday the 12th at 7PM at the Granada in Lawrence, KS. Go on out, support some local cinema. Hell, its free, where else can you get 2 hours of free entertainment?

Synopsis:
Clint, Derek, and Ben, three young bachelors who think they have life figured out. By day its drinks and frisbee golf, by night its parties and an endless stream of sexual conquests. But when Clint is confronted by the return of 'the one who got away', the once unflappable bastard is forced to re-examine his lifestyle.

Clint's quest for answers sends the household into tumult. Derek questions the solidarity of his long-term relationship, beginning a quest to recapture the passions of his single days. Meanwhile, Ben struggles to find compromise between his desire and his gentleman's ways.

Can old flames be rekindled? How can you ever be sure you've found the right one? Do nice guys always finish last? They hope to find their answers hidden in the darkest corners of bars, the lowest depths of beer bottles, and between the sheets of strange women.

Once experts at 'the game', the trio finds the rules are changing around them, and within them. The lines between love, lust, and desperation may be more blurred than they had ever believed.

Did I mention it has an awesome soundtrack by Approach and others from his label? Cuz it does.

External Linkage

2010-11-12T09:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, one final bit of Halloween madness still floating around in the air. This time let me regale you with my experiences at Rocky Horror: Live!

Really, a pretty fantastic show. Read all about it at Brutal as Hell!

Forgotten External Linkages

2010-11-08T10:55:00.000-08:00

Blogging-wise, October was a bust. But it was excellent for my working and my savings, so I can't complain too much.
I spent September and October working for the Democratic Party of Nevada, fighting to keep several key incumbents with significant achievement lists in office, despite the ever-growing sentiment of 'Throw the bums out'. (Look out, Republicans. You'll be the bums in 2 years.) Anyway, mission accomplished, 5 of my 6 Assembly persons stayed in office, along with Harry Reid. Despite a significant swing in the Republican direction, I hope that we maintained enough seats to have a balanced government, and to keep intellectual discourse alive in the state's government.

So, I spent the month of October working 7-days a week, all the way to election day. And now, nothing. That said, its time to get back to some writing.

To kick it off, here's two articles I managed to get finished up during the election season that I forgot to promote here. Go back, read, enjoy.

Rocky Horror Picture Show 35th Anniversary Review via Brutal As Hell

and also

Berdella Review via BthroughZ

External Linkage

2010-10-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

A follow-up to my previous article, finally got the screener copy of Lake Placid 3, endured it, put up a review.

Check it out via Brutal as Hell: http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/10/dvd-review-lake-placid-3/

Xtupyd Fylmu N8me5

2010-09-30T16:43:00.000-07:00

Magnolia Films graciously sent me the trailer and art for their upcoming release, S&MAN today.

... that's supposed to be pronounced 'Sandman', according to the little translation on the box. If your film's title needs a translation, you have issues.

For those not all into punctuation with a raging hard-on, that little squiggle mark, which we pronounce 'and' or 'n' is actually an Ampersand. So, the movie's full title, by my reading, is Sampersandman.... ? I guess we're supposed to see it and read S-and-Man, but when I looked at it, it only hurt my brain... and I can only assume its supposed to be a pun on S&M, though I see no references to sex in the trailer.

Just another exercise in crap marketing. I refuse to participate, Hollywood, no matter how many Se7ens and Tr2ns and Scre4ms and LXG's you throw at me.

Anyway, I haven't seen this director's other film, The Burrowers yet, but I hear good things from the horror community. (aside from the usual low-budget and story re-tread gripes)
At this point, the mockumentary set-up has be done over and over, and you can kinda tell just from the trailer where its all going. But, the execution may be good, this one got good word of mouth at a couple early screenings. I leave it to you to decide.

Legends of the Guardians: Beautiful, but Lacking in Gizzard

2010-09-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

This weekend finds two major movies contending for your movie monies: Wall Street 2, and Legend of the Guardians: Owls of Ga'Hoole. Honestly, the two are so far apart in genre and style, you really shouldn't have much trouble choosing between the two, depending on your taste.

But, hey, I got to see the preview screening of Legends last night, and maybe you're debating taking your kids to it, so here's a review.

The story is pretty basic. Its pretty much every other fantasy movie you've ever seen in the post-Star Wars era, only its about owls instead of people. So, its got that whole 'talking animal' thing going for it that seems to define the childrens' movie genre. Soren is the main owl, a young male just learning to fly, alongside his extremely competitive twin brother. The two of them bicker and argue a lot, with the twin often getting annoyed with Soren's tendency to daydream about his heroes, the Guardians of Ga'Hoole, rather than focus on their races. Soren lives with his head in the clouds, like so many Bastian Buxes.

Eventually, the two young owls are kidnapped by a group of larger owls, and taken to the hideout of the “Pure Ones”, where they are to be enslaved, along with myriad other young owls. This is essentially a race of Nazi owls who believe in a pure race of Tyto (barn owl) ruling over all the other owl races. The Nazi owls are led by Metal Beak, the legendary foe of the Guardians. Soren and his brother are Tyto owls, and soon they are divided, Soren resisting conditioning, with his brother being drawn in by promises of power, and joining the Pure Ones.

Soren, finding Metal Beak to be a reality, figures his heroes of lore must be the same, and so he escapes to find the Guardians.

Chances are that you can tell from the very simplistic description above whether or not this movie is going to grab you. Most of you will have already seen a dozen movies with similar stories, and so you can kind of tell what's going to happen, beat by beat. There will be a rag-tag group of heroes put together with some of the usual comedy-relief suspects. There will be a prophecy. There will be a training montage. There will be a betrayal. Ultimately, there will be a big fight, and our underdog young owl, Soren, will find a way to sneak into it and confront his brother.

I can't really call these spoilers, they've been in every fantasy movie for the last 30 years or so. You've even got a handful of Star Wars references, in the crazy Obi-Wan/Yoda-ish impish retired owl General, who instructs Soren in the arts of combat and how to 'use his gizzard' to feel out the way to fly in the final dogfights. Legends doesn't forget to add in the voice-over as Soren flies through the battle for his one-in-a-million shot “Use your gizzard, Soren. Trust your feelings.”

But, hey, this is a kids' movie, right? So in many regards, the simple plots and ideas really work for the film. The villains are reminiscent of 80's fantasy villains, Metal Beak bearing a resemblance to Darth Vader, with maybe a smidge of Willow's General Kael thrown in there. The other Nazi owls have the typical bad guy, Nazgul-ish, red eyes and metal mask kind of look. Its all a mish-mash of Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Eragon, Harry Potter, Willow, Golden Compass, Lady Hawk, Neverending Story, Sword in the Stone kind of ideas. Nothing real new, but enough to entertain your kids.

As a parent, you might find yourself a little bored by the simplistic plot, but you can try to entertain yourself by imagining how a Tea Party member might react to the very Socialist kind of idealized life the Guardians have created for themselves by living together in a big commune tree, everyone having a chore list to keep the society running, and everyone eating from a big, robust, group collective, with no poverty or wealth on either side of the spectrum. THOSE DAMN COMMIE OWLS!! THAT'S NOT WHAT OUR FOUNDING FATHERS FOUGHT FOR!

But, Legend of the Guardians does have one good thing to offer to both kids and adults alike, and that's the quality of its animation, which is of the highest caliber. Once you get over the initial jarring fact that the owls' beaks movie in a manner eerily like lips (!!), you can really learn to appreciate the detail of each feather, the generally realistic movement of the owls in flight, and the wonderfully rich and detailed landscapes that the owls inhabit.

Zack Snyder, of Watchmen and 300 fame, continues to show that, even if he doesn't have a gift for telling deep or nuanced stories, he does have an eye for stunning visuals. The movie is peppered with breathtaking images, all rendered perfectly in High-Def CG quality. Of particular splendor is the flight training sequence during a thunderstorm, accentuated with his trade-mark slo-mo abuse, the cracks of lightening illuminating the storm, each of thousands of little rain-drops individually animated and beating upon the wings of the owls, swirling in the tempestuous winds... it all makes for a pretty stunning sequence. You tend to forget, just for a moment, that you're watching a talking owl movie.

Can we just have Zack Snyder do animated, slo-mo nature documentaries?

Of course his eye for combat also lends itself to the climactic end sequence, which are probably better produced and more visceral and exciting than they have any right to be. The film was made with 3-D in mind, as well, and it adds to the show, if you've got the extra couple bucks to throw down for it.

Can't give all the props for that to Snyder, though, a lot of it has to go to David Caro (action coordination), Simon Whiteley (production design), and all the talented developers at Animal Logic who were in charge of the animation. As ever, these guys never get enough credit for their talent and hard work.

So, in the end, Legends of the Guardians somehow crams three whole books into one movie, and turns them into a shining example of adequacy. The story, the action, the acting, none of them ever excel to any great or exciting heights, and most parents may want to roll their eyes or take a little nap. But, your kids are bound to like it, and you might find some charm in all of its throwbacks to fantasy flicks of yore. Don't expect any new ideas, though.

The quality of the visuals and animation remain high, and many will be impressed by them, and rightly so. But the Owls of Ga'Hoole never really shows enough gizzard to inspire any real emotional moments, instead choosing to walk step-by-step down a well-tread path.

Or, fly, I guess. … some goddamn owl metaphor...

External Linkage

2010-09-21T01:28:00.000-07:00

Just a little something. Review for Poo: The Card Game is up at Padinga.com

Yes, its a game about monkeys throwing shit at each other. And here you thought the world had nothing more to offer you. So, so wrong.

Padinga.com

External Linkage

2010-09-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

My review for Machete is up on Brutal as Hell. Check it out here.

You also might like:

The Long Awaited...Indy

2010-09-03T23:04:00.000-07:00

Alright. Had an afternoon off, already got a movie review in for the day, time for a little personal writing. I think its time we revisited the sunny city of Indianapolis. Join me, will you? (smoking jacket, slippers)

Pretty much done writing about Gencon. At least on this venue.

Heroclix was the majority of my time spent there, anyway. Day 1 of the Heroclix world championships was glorious. Poor booster pull, but the competition was fierce, and I was on top of my game. 4-1, with one loss in the final round.
Day 2 , the dice lost all of their power. Dropped at 1-2. Still fun was had, though I didn't do as well as I'd liked. Really wanted to at least hit top 16, just to know I could. Had a great team lined up for that as well. Whatchagonnado?

But really, just felt like chronicling the adventures my uncle and I had in the city itself, and, specifically, the haunted tour we took.

Indianapolis itself is a pretty nice city. Its got a good mix of new construction, and antique architecture. The city has a clean appearance, but also an anachronistic visual, a conglomeration of times and styles. My favorite point in the city has to the be the war veteran's memorial, a giant obelisk reaching to the sky, a wonderful piece of architecture, a touch of European class in the middle of down-town America.

There's a few other oddities about the town. Things like the lack of separation between the industrial, the commercial, and the residential. There's a huge steel plant in the middle of town, marring the skyline by the stadium and the convention center. Old, dead railways cross from the city center into the little residential communities between downtown and the airport, which still have their small-town, midwestern feel. Well, except for the tremendous Hispanic community.

Also noticeable is the huge homeless population. At least around the convention center, the homeless dot all the sidewalks, two or three to each side of each block, all with signs asking for change... mostly stenciled. The city keeps a clean appearance but the poor population has to be pretty big all around.

Day 2 we went to a little bar, Average Joe's Pub. Sadly it was more like Subpar Joe's. But there were locals, and we asked them, "What's to do in this town?" "Oh, nothin' really. Come here, mostly." "Yeah?" "Yeah. You go outside, you're likely to get shot." "..."

Well, in our quest to find entertainment without getting shot, we found a couple restaurants. Hit up the Hard Rock Cafe, which has a good burger, and some delicious cheesecake, but a bland and tasteless bbq. Kazablanca turned out to also have a great deluxe pizza, India Palace isn't quite as good as the one in Lawrence and is a lot milder but still good, and then there was the Slippery Noodle...

On night 3, we were feelin' a little antsy for adventure. We'd been out to an asylum in the middle of the city. Its supposed to be haunted. It was pretty interesting, took the grounds tour, but the city is supposed to be selling it so they really don't talk about the haunting, for fear that it would deter the buyers (also, according to the groundskeeper in an off-the-record meeting *oops* the real sale deterrent will probably be the fact that the asylum was never really destroyed, just pushed down into the grounds, making the enormous land purchase unstable and unfit for building). So, we lit up when we found that a group at Gencon offers tours of haunted landmarks.

Um... yeah. What crap.

Now, when you're on a haunted tour of the city, you hope to see some ghosts. Sure, its a longshot, but you think maybe you can snap some pictures of places, maybe get some orbs on film. Of course, that might require you to go INSIDE the buildings. I'm going to grant the tour group 2 things. First, I realize it might be hard to find a bunch of interesting places within walking distance of the convention site, and second, we might not be able to go into all of the places he finds. Permission and all that. But at least put some showmanship into it, fercrissakes.

First stop, Union Station. Is this place haunted? Um... maybe? Our tour guide didn't even give us any concrete stories. "This is Union Station, it was build in the 20's and blah blah blah. Soldiers left from here to be deployed in the war. Also, their loved ones would often wait here for their GI's, some of whom would never come home, blah blah, negative energy."
So... what did the soldiers die here? Did some lover of a dead GI throw herself on the tracks? Why the hell do you think someone's actually haunting this place? Is there a story?
"Some people have said they hear noises. Others have seen lights go on and off," and other vague reports. End of story... wow, pretty lame.

Stop two, The Slippery Noodle. I'd heard of this place. Also heard it was one of the most popular bars in town. I was skeptical. The story started off well, "Slippery Noodle was actually Indianapolis's most active brothel at one point. John Dillinger stayed here, and there were numerous gunfights." Okay, now we're getting somewhere, "Hold on, let me check my notes *flip flip*.... .... ... okay, so lots of paranormal sightings here. They think bodies had been buried here after gunfights, and it was said a crew found skeletons when putting new foundation in the basement. One time a worker went downstairs, and a guy was cleaning up. And the worker came back up, and he was like, 'Hey, who's the new guy?' and they were like 'No one else was down there.' ... Celebrities have been here like Gene Simmons from Kiss and... and John Dillinger, once, I think... one time there was a concert, and the guy cleaning up heard footsteps above him. He ran and they seemed to follow him... and one time... b-bones. I think they found bones.... how are we for time?"

Gaaah! I wanted to scream this guy was so lame. All of us tourees were just standing around in stunned silence. The above story took about twenty minutes to tell, as he read it off of his papers. No panache. Where's the magic, guy? Where's our chance to look at some of the old whore rooms in the bar? Nothin?...

So, anyway, the Slippery Noodle's ghosts claimed two more victims that night. We were right behind the tourguide when he started to the next location, and when he turned around again... we were gone! The mystery of the vanishing tourists. No easy feat, considering my Uncle's size.

So we slipped, appropriately enough, into the Slippery Noodle. This place was cool, and will be a Gencon regular stop. Good bar food in addition to some good restaurant dishes at dinner time. They had a nice laid back interior, big and spacious to boot, and some low-key live jazz goin in the back room. We stayed in the front where the music lazily echoed down the halls, and it set up a nice atmosphere. Had a couple good beers for a decent price. I can see why all the bands hang there after their concerts. No ghosts though.

On the way out, we crossed paths with the tour guide on his way back from the group. He probably thought we were ghosts.
... and in retrospect, shit, that tour was $12 per person. There were a couple dozen of us in the group. That guy pulled in like $270 off of us. For an hour of walking a circle around the convention center. Could he really not arrange to get us inside someplace?

So, anyway, we also went to a stripclub that evening. In a word: rough. Well, not the crowd, the boys were all pretty sedated. The ladies were kind of rough.
I did appreciate that the cute girls had no boobs of anykind, though. Its nice to see some natural, even curveless girls. I'm a sucker for a pretty face, anyway.
But, everyone seemed half asleep, and none of the girls really put any effort into the dances. But the were cheap, Don got a lapdance for like $10.
I'd promised my favorite girl to look but not touch, anyway, so lapdances weren't happening... not that I really spend money at stripclubs anyway. I'm cheap. I spent the evening texting back and forth with the lovely Miss JJ, a higher caliber of lady, and more entertaining and alluring, even with her top on.

The last night in Indy, we were really treated to just how slow and sleepy the city was. We went to a sports bar, where we were the only patrons inside. After a few tense moments with the lone old lady bartender, we snuck out to a more happenin' country bar. We had a good time people watching, examining the ladies going around getting free drinks and playing up jealousies, the tough guys, the desperate guys, and all the ways people played their games. Same in the BIble Belt as it is anywhere else.

We bid Indianapolis a fond farewell at last. But really, we'd sucked all the life out of the city. Decent food, sleepy bars, humble midwesterners afraid of the homeless people, and lackluster strippers (at least, compared to my California girls). Another day would have been too much.

But, it was better than Springfield. Fuck Springfield.

Poster Monster, Monster Poster

2010-09-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm really, really pumped for this movie to come out. Magnolia sent me some images, including the new poster today. If you guys haven't seen it yet, check this out:

Synopsis: Six years ago NASA discovered the possibility of alien life within our solar system. A probe was launched to collect samples, but crashed upon re-entry over Central America. Soon after, new life forms began to appear and grow. In an effort to stem the destruction that resulted, half of Mexico was quarantined as an INFECTED ZONE. Today, the American and Mexican military still struggle to contain the massive creatures... Our story begins when a jaded US journalist (McNairy) begrudgingly agrees to find his boss’ daughter, a shaken American tourist (Able) and escort her through the infected zone to the safety of the US border.

I've been told this is as much a romance as it is a monster film, a slow-burning drama that explores the human characters as much as, or more than, the now alien landscape around them. Fine by me; you need compelling characters to follow, and as long as the payoff is big...

You can find more in this review from my friend Britt Hayes, where she spoke with the Director.

And, of course, the trailer:

Blog Placid

2010-08-31T15:28:00.000-07:00

I really have been half-assing this blog lately. I mean, look back at June. I was a blogging monster. July I was traveling a lot. So, what about August?

Well, I have my reasons. Be it job hunting, visits from lovely ladies, or setting up my future monarchy over the crumbled nations of the world, I've had constructive things to do. Most importantly, I've been finishing a screenplay for Glenbrook Studios, so hopefully there'll be more good news about that in the future.

Well, maybe not MOST importantly. Its a tough call between that and the lovely ladies. Tied for first, then.

In the meantime, I got a Press Kit in the mail today for a new horror flick, and I figured it would be a shame to let it go to waste. So, here it is, the one you've all been waiting for: Lake Placid 3.

Now, I know what you're thinking, because its exactly the same thing I was thinking, "What the Hell were Lake Placids 1 and 2?... wait, is that the one with the giant alligator?"

Luckily, the press kit came with a copy of the box art and... yes, yes it is:

Ah! Look at that punny tag-line at the bottom of the box! Ha! High School kids will see that at Wal-Mart and be messing up their Your/You're forms for years. Priceless.

Anyway, if the press kit is any indication, they're going full-out camp on this one. And really, could it go any other direction. The first Lake Placid took itself a bit too seriously, and when you get into the sequels, well, you've got to start poking fun at yourself.

For the festivities they've lined up Yancy Butler (who the Press Release mysteriously credits for her bit part in Kick-Ass, despite her leading role in Witchblade.) and Michael Fucking Ironside (his real middle name, I'm sure) who makes anything more awesome.

The write-up promises not only copious amounts of gore, but also full frontal nudity, so at least they know the target audience they're shooting for.

Of course, I write that assuming its female nudity, and as I do, I realize that over half of all movie goers are female now (Last Exorcism was exit-polled at 52% female, as a recent example), so maybe they're shooting for that 'girls who like tits' demographic... or maybe there'll be cocks in the movie. And if not (probably not) maybe there should be.

Anyway, here's a trailer:

This movie got me thinking. I mean, do they generate sequels off of a numeric formula? Surely. I can't imagine someone going through pitch ideas, and a studio exec being, "Yes! That is exactly what our studio needs to produce. ANOTHER giant alligator movie! That's 4 in the last decade!" and I doubt this is a labor of love for any young, upstart director.

Some guy in an office has to be looking at profit from the last two, deducting a percentage of drop off from sequel to sequel, figuring how much money they can throw at it, calculating any losses of revenue from an obviously lower-budget production, how much money some B-level talent's names can rake in and VOILA! Product! We can profit like $250,000 off of this, as long as there's X gallons of blood and Y pairs of boobs! Better throw in Z vaginas just in case!

Well, whatever keeps Ironside in work, I guess. If you like Boobs, Blood, and Bad Acting (and really, who doesn't?) I'm sure Lake Placid 3 will deliver the goods. I'll let you know when I get my hands on it.

RELEASE DATE: October 26th. Just in time for your animal horror themed Halloween party.

External Linkage

2010-08-16T16:23:00.000-07:00

Shit, I really need to go back and finish that last blog entry. The problem with writing while you're on a road-trip is that you inevitably get caught up in the excitement of the vacation itself, and the writing falters...

In the meantime, here's the final entry in the Brutal As Hell series, The Lucky 13. Our 13th and final category is Slashers, and we bring you some of the best, and most obscure, slashers of all time. Its been a good, gory summer on that site. Lets go out with a bang!

Brutal As Hell!

PLACEHOLDER

2010-08-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

Gencon day 2. A longer day, and I enter the Heroclix World Championship tomorrow, so I need a good night's rest.

HOWEVER, a brief rundown of what was had and seen this morning, to be detailed in time:

-In the Exhibit Hall (Digital Cataan awesomeness)
- People Watching
- Web of Spider-Man release event
- Dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe
- Our really lame ghost adventure
- The Slippery Noodle

Are you excited? I know I am... or was... and well be again... whatever. More later!

Road Trippin: The Incredible Journey

2010-08-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

"Sandra Bullock could fly out on a jet, come over and fuck me silly, and it still wouldn't top this moment. Here in the car, listening to this music, eating this gigantic Nut Log, this is the best moment of the day. Its all downhill from here."

Yes, the day topped out early for the Hall boys.

We're on our way out to Gencon, the world's largest gaming convention. Board games that is. Table top. Pen and paper. Dice. Little plastic figures. Nerds. LARP.

Today was all about the journey, however. At 5 AM my uncle Donald and I (Donald not a gamer, just along to help me at and around the convention, so his reaction should be pretty interesting.) left Lawrence in his truck, and plowed through the heart of the Midwest and the Bible Belt.

The first pitstop was the real highlight. An American tradition. Stuckey's.
For those shamefully unaware, Stuckey's is a chain of truckstops that used to pepper the country at exits all along every major highway. Now relegated almost exclusively to the Midwest and deep South, what Stuckey's are left tend to be shacked up with a Diary Queen, and continue to offer their unique blend of nick-nacks, trucker tools, coloring books and snacks.

In particular, the Pecan Nut Log and the Goo Goo. Either one is rich enough to induce a colon explosion upon contact.

So it was that, Nut Logs in hand (an an emergency stash of Goo Goos in the cooler) that we hit the road, led on by the soothing sounds of John Anderson's 'Swingin'. Red letter day, right there.

The Midwest is an odd place. I can say that, having lived in a small town for so long. Mostly, its a bunch of little road stops in a state of disrepair, inhabited by old men and truckers.
But, there's something to be proud of here. Oh, sure the whole 'Bible Belt' protest against everything new and different attitude is kinda creepy... but really, that's just something that's gotten worse in the last ten years or so as the country, especially the Heartland, has begun to falter. People are afraid, they look back to the times when they were happier, not sure exactly why those times seemed better, and they try to use powerful relics like religions to recall them back into existence. I can't blame them.
But, its still friendly folks, hard workers, and green, so much green. And peaceful, restful quiet.

I was sitting in town square in my little hometown of Baldwin the other evening. Despite the lovely new fountain they've installed, and some great public works projects, still a lot of the businesses have closed, a lot of the businesses are in disrepair.
Its all part of the trend of the large business swallowing the small, the large city swallowing the town. The death of small town America. But I've lived in both, and while I love city life, I can't help but also love the quiet of Baldwin. No constant drum of traffic. No endless sirens. No fighting drunks. Just peace.

For a moment, I looked at quiet, slowly dying Baldwin and thought "This used to be a place you could be proud of." But I realized that wasn't right. The truth is that people have just forgotten what to be proud of.
Its really not monuments of capitalism and monsters of industry. Progress shouldn't be measured in mass marketing and production. Progress should be measured in peace and community. And there it was in sleepy little Baldwin.

It may not have the energy I need now, while I'm young and speeding through life. But it was a good place to be born, and it would be a good place to die.

... I'm getting off track. Gencon. We continued our journey, looking for a good Mom and Pop place to get lunch. Donald and I have both come to generally avoid chains when we can, and prefer fresh food (something terribly hard to find in Vegas). We wanted to find someplace delightfully weird, perhaps a "Somali Tamale" or "King Tut's Nut Hut", but to no avail. Finally, we stopped at Country Kitchen, a modest truck stop diner off of I-70 in Effingham (home of The Cross!). Surprisingly good. All you can eat friend chicken and mashed potatoes. Fresh, hot, crispy. Not necessarily exceptional, but probably the best truck stop I've eaten at.

After battling the Itis (and possibly running over a hobo? We'll never know for sure) we made it to Indianapolis.... which is kind of a boring town. For a place as big as it is, there is virtually no nightlife here. Hopefully Gencon will offer up some more interesting nocturnal activities via con events.

But it was good to be among fellow nerds, already gathering for pick-up games in the convention center halls, a full day before the event even started. Looks to be a big turn-out this year. The number of sexy tattooed gamer girls continues to grow, which is always a plus.

After scoping out the convention center and Lucas Oil Stadium, we succumbed to a road-weary nap, and awoke to a sudden and tremendous lightening storm. I've missed Kansas's tremendous storms, so it was nice to get a little nature show while I was on vacation. The lightening was the entertainment during dinner at Kazablanka, a little Greek restaurant that only had maybe 6 Greek items on the menu. We got Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches, which were really very good.

And then we spent the rest of the night laughing at this:

Overall, a successful and pretty easy trip. Tomorrow marks the first day of the 'con proper, and the Web of Spider-Man release event tournament for me.
Also, some special activities reserved for after the con...

Tune in tomorrow!

External Linkage

2010-08-01T23:22:00.000-07:00

Yes friends, that's right, another week, another Lucky 13!
We finally get around to the all-time fan favorite, the zombie. Its fresh and goopy, and up at Brutal as Hell. Don't forget to check our friends over at Vault of Horror for their take.
After this, I"m off to Gencon for a few days, so maybe some new coolness on here from that. Games abound!

When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.

External Linkage

2010-07-18T16:22:00.000-07:00

Another week, another Lucky 13! This week, we examine the greatest Serial Killer flicks ever created. Its up at Brutal as Hell. And dont' forget to flip on over to Vault of Horror for the second half of this week's in-depth review.

Stabbity-stab-stab!

External Linkage

2010-07-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, its that time again. Time for the Lucky 13! This week, its the best of Werewolves. Werewolves that are not half-naked Indian boys. Try to pay attention, regardless.

External Linkage

2010-07-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

Some more horror goodness in the form of Rec 2! Review now posted at Brutal As Hell. The review is a precursor to a Q&A session I had with the directors of the film, which will be posting soon.

Check it out at Brutal as Hell!

External Linkage

2010-07-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, its that time again. Time for another Lucky 13 at Brutal As Hell! This week, we celebrate the holiday by giving you our favorite Psychological Horrors!... in retrospect, holiday themed horror movies might have been the better sub-genre. Eh, fuck it.

Brutal as Hell!

Scrappy sinks her teeth into Twilight: Eclipse!

2010-07-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

Its time for a woman's perspective!
A first for the ol' Pop Aristocrat here: A guest reviewer! I can't be bothered with Twilight myself, not after the first film's lack-of-quality-to-box-office-take ratio nearly drove me to suicide. I prefer to stay ignorant. But, Twilight is such a large flash-in-the-pan... er, excuse me, social phenomenon, I don't think it should not be covered.

So, my friend and ally Jessica Brumm, Texas law student and sass-mouth extraordinaire, offered her services as my Twilight reviewer. We'll call her Scrappy, just the way she likes it. So, armed only with a pitcher of beer and a resilience to the soul-crushing power of chick flicks that only a vagina can grant, she braved Eclipse and brought us back these words of wisdom.

{And I also added my own snarky banter because, hell, its still my goddamn blog.}

With no further ado, take it away Scrappy!

Eclipse teaches young teenage girls a wonderful lesson: don’t agree to get married unless you try to have sex first. Edward proposes several times to Bella, but Bella only agrees to marriage if Edward will try to have sex with her. This is the most bizarre romantic twist to a storyline of star-crossed lovers that has been avoided by Shakespeare and Jane Austen for a reason: it’s a lame and completely unbelievable.

{“ Juliet, wilt thou marry me?” “Oh Romeo, yes, but first I must feel your thrust twixt my nethers, lest we marry to find our coupling unsatisfying. Take me, ravage me now.” “Ew, no. Mine father has said the whipsering eye of a lady 'tis slimy and weird.” “Um...” “It means your vagina.” }

It’s sad really. I’m not a fan of romance films in general—but there are several films and storylines filled with believable romantic antics {because you can't spell romantic, without antic! }that can be appreciated by all: Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Romeo and Juliet, What Dreams May Come, Life is Beautiful, and most importantly, Shaun of the Dead. Believability is the key to any good story. A beautiful headstrong girl meets beautiful headstrong boy. Chaos ensues and causes various mishaps between the ill-fated characters. Eventually the couple reconciles and they live happily ever after—or in Romeo and Juliet’s case, they die—but either way, the couple ends up together one way or another, right?

Twilight does add a few interesting elements to the familiar star-crossed lovers’ story—it includes an ancient mutant “vegetarian” vampire, Edward, falling in love with a plain-looking, clumsy, 17 year-old girl, Bella. {Because she smells delicious, don't forget that. I hope to meet a girl one day that is clumsy and plain, but smells like Del Taco, so I can take her home... and then proceed to not have sex with her. In retrospect, I suppose just about any girl who works at Del Taco would fit this bill. I need to go down the street and order up a fresh plate of infatuation. } A “veggie” vampire is, of course, a vampire that loves humans so the vampire only drinks the blood of animals. This veggie vampire is part of a veggie-vampire coven considered enemies of an evil, ancient underground vampire government. Veggie vampires are also hunted by horse-sized werewolves capable of transforming at anytime—regardless of the moon’s cycles. As scores of other films and books prove, werewolf and vampire battles are normally intriguing. But this bizarre and unbelievable Mormon-written romance buries all the awesomeness a supernatural war could possibly bring. { Could Edward's love of Bella be considered a food-fetish? }

I will concede to the Twilight fans, the film has its moments. It is not completely “twi-tarded.” I’d say maybe an hour of the film is watchable for those who are not “twi-hards.” Bella’s father is actually not too bad. He plays the awkward father in charge of the awkward teen romance quite well. One of the veggie vampires talks about how she died after being gang-raped by her former fiancé and his friends {That is also pretty awkward}. There is a quick glimpse of how her revenge on those men played out—which is twisted and very cool.

One of the coolest characters in the entire series, Jasper, gets a small amount of face time. He describes how in the South, during the Civil War, he participated in vampire turf wars by building up large vampire armies to take out other vampire armies {Westside Story comes to mind}. The idea of a vampire turf war between vampire armies sounds amazing and it’s a shame only a few minutes of the film were dedicated to Jasper.

The film’s best moments travel outside of what was included in the book. In the book, Bella misses the big fight scene between an evil vampire army versus a united front of werewolves and mutant, veggie vampires. In the book, the aftermath of the battle is described, but the actual battle isn’t really covered. In the film, the fight scene is short—but pretty fun. The movie also goes outside the original Eclipse book to include scenes showing the evil vampire army building its ranks. {“Hey, kid, you wanna be a vampire and live forever?” “Yeah, cool!” “Allright then, but you gotta come fight a war against these giant fucking wolves. I mean HUGE.” “But they can't hurt us, right?” “Oh, they will fuck you up! You might be alive forever without arms, legs, or genitals after this fight.” “Yeah, think I'll pass.” “Where's your fucking loyalty!? I have known you for like 15 seconds and already you're refusing to go to war with me for the sake of murdering some 17 year old girl.” “Tell me again, how did you manage to attract all these followers? And why don't you just sniper the bitch? I mean, it seems like that might at least take the werewolves off guard. They tend to notice dozens of vampires moving en masse around these sleepy, suddenly bloodless, little towns.” } These semi-violent scenes of the vampire army make it watchable for those of us who do not enjoy the horrible romance between a pedophile, veggie-vampire and an annoying 17 year old kid.

Despite these few redeeming moments in the film, Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart couldn’t act to save their lives. Honestly, the film ended for me after the vampire-werewolf battle ended. After that, it’s just Pattison and Stewart attempting to act as Edward and Bella. The romance scenes between them were drawn out with long awkward pauses, nervous glances, and weird “tweenie” moments that made half the audience giggle with glee. {Edward, the Methuselah, falling in love with a teen girl is akin to me falling in love with an embryo}

More audience squeals came whenever the half-naked Taylor Lautner appeared onscreen. It’s a bit disturbing because most of the audience is old enough to be Lautner’s mother, or even grandmother. {That guy is so ripped, even his cock has abs. And that's hot no matter how old you are. } Granted, Lautner is a better actor than Pattison. But Lautner’s CGI werewolf was completely awful. You’d think a big budget film like Twilight could afford better CGI; especially after audiences have been wowed by the effects of Lord of the Rings and more recently, Avatar . The CGI couldn’t have been more apparent—the werewolves’ fur and the way the Stewart interacted with the werewolves were just awful. Lautner’s werewolf didn’t have any great werewolf sounds either—no crazy cool growls, howls, or barks. There’s a notable whine from Lautner’s werewolf self, but other than that, the sound effects were subpar for werewolves. Honestly, the producers could have tape-recorded noises from Underworld and improved the sound editing for Lautner’s werewolf scenes. For the most part, the werewolves are just silently watching everything in the movie. Even with the werewolves standing still, the CGI effects were cheap and noticeable.

Finally, the humor in the film wouldn't even be good enough to be in a cheap romantic comedy churned out by Matthew McConaughey. The “twi-hards” were squealing and giggling constantly at the awkward tweenie humor. For me, the funniest moment happened while Edward proposed to Bella. {“Baby, you smell delicious, like the DelMacho Beef Burrito, and I can't resist you. Lets' get married.” “And I am mesmerized by you because you're a fucking vampire. I literally can't say no.” If that isn't true love, I don't know what is} The guy sitting next to me leaned back in his seat and the entire contents of his pocket emptied noisily only the floor followed by him hollering “son-of-a-bitch”. That made the film for me. And the pitcher of Shiner Bock helped out tremendously too.

Long story short, I can only find one appropriate way to rate Eclipse. As a romance film, Eclipse is worth 2.5 barf bags, with 0 barf bags being an amazing romantic film and 5 barf bags being the worst {Its like Golf, the lower your score, the better. If you don't score at all, you win. Edward the Vampire often confuses relationships with Golf}. Anyone who tries to classify Eclipse as being a sci-fi film should be shot. Good ideas for a fun sci-fi movie or horror movie are there, and that prevents the film from being completely awful. A good pitcher of beer on an empty stomach also helps the film from being a complete waste.

As long as Pattison and Stewart’s bad acting and weird onscreen romance remains, the film should never be considered as anything but an awful tweenie romance not worth comparing to really great film series such as Star Wars, Aliens, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and other award-winning and noteworthy films. Eclipse is worth watching—but perhaps at home to not only fast forward through the sappy scenes, but also to avoid the crazed Twilight fans. I’d say that Eclipse is pretty comparable to James Cameron’s Titanic. Except, Titanic had better acting, better script writing, and better special effects. {So, if Titanic were made of poop, it would be Twilight}

I’m sure Twilight fans out there will disagree with me, but please know that yes, I have read the books and they were awful. I would also like to point out that out of all the midnight movie premiers that I have attended (all 6 Star Wars, all Harry Potters, all the LOTR, countless horror films, and all the Batmans—even the bad ones), the Twilight fans were the most annoying, rude, and disagreeable bunch I have ever encountered. Women were cutting in line, being loud and obnoxious, squealing, and just being completely unattractive by losing every redeeming quality that a lady could possibly possess {There was farting AND sweating; two things my mother said ladies don't do. Color me disillusioned}. I understand that women are swept up in the romance that the Twilight story puts forth—but that is no reason to set aside dignity and grace for a two-hour film. {Now a Chippendale's dance, yes} The gathering of stereotypical Twilight fans makes the Twilight series that much worse. Call me a “hater” if you will. Bring out the death threats. But someone needs to say that if Twilight fans want to be taken seriously, they need to start acting like civil human beings, recognize the series weaknesses, and not behave like crazed fans that would slaughter their mothers for a night with Pattison or Lautner... but that's a whole other article...

External Linkage

2010-06-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

A brief return to horror, as a new Lucky 13 dawns on the horizon.

This week we discuss the greatest Vampire films ever made. You have to go read it because, goddamn, its vampires!

...oddly enough, Lost Boys didn't get brought up. Honorable mention, however.

And when you're done here you can head over to Vault of Horror for their picks as well. But, the fun all begins at Brutal As Hell.

External Linkage

2010-06-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

A bit more E3 coverage... I probably have months worth. :P

This time at bat we have High Voltage Software and their top-down shooter The Grinder.

If you like monsters and splattery humor, this one's for you.

Its here at Padinga.com!

External Linkage

2010-06-22T04:18:00.001-07:00

The last of the E3 Tech reviews is up, as I share final, parting thoughts on the Kinect, and the Yoostar 2 makes its internet debut.

If you've ever wanted to see me making a foolish attempt at an Arnold Impersonation, this is your time!

Its over at Padinga.com!

External Linkage: Two-fer

2010-06-20T02:37:00.000-07:00

For any who missed our impromptu live edition of The Game Show, its up in the iTunes store now. This webisode is a quick 'un, featuring a brief recap and personal reflection on E3. Perfect accessory to all of the articles we're putting up. Via Padinga.com

Back in the movie front, the newest Lucky 13 came out, a trip down memory lane as we talk about some of our favorite horror comedies. From the fine folks at Brutal As Hell.

E3 Games: Square Enix

2010-06-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

The Mega-gaming entity Square Enix puts out another massive stack of what looks to be colossal games. Check out the future of RPG and strategy titles from E3, all at Padinga.com

Follow this link to the Human Revolution.

E3: Sony's new The Move controller

2010-06-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

Allright Sony, time for your time in the limelight.

Their new product debut was The Move, a motion controller that seeks to dethrone the Wiimote. Come see the results at Padinga.com!

Yes, its as awesome as this looks...

E3 Nintendo Madness Continues!

2010-06-17T02:38:00.000-07:00

All the buzz is about Nintendo... again.

While I've got scads of games to cover, a few interviews to post, all of the talk, and all of the lines at the con, lead to Nintendo.

If you haven't figured out yet what all the buzz is about, its all centered around the Nintendo 3DS portable game system.

And if you haven't figured out why yet, maybe this look will clue you in. More at Padinga.com!

We're breaking into the next dimension!

External Linkage: E3 Edition- A Visit with Nintendo!

2010-06-16T02:57:00.000-07:00

E3 continues to bowl me over. I got enough material for four articles, easy, but only had enough time to get one put together.
Of course, that's just me, the rest of the staff is out gathering information too. We could be writing for days if we feel like it, there's just that much new stuff floating around.

Of course we gotta cover the big guns first, and it doesn't get any bigger than Nintendo. Here's coverage from their press conference this morning, including new titles for the Zelda and Metroid franchises, as well as a look at the new Nintendo 3DS!

Its at Padinga.com!

External Linkage: E3 Edition

2010-06-15T04:57:00.000-07:00

This was a huge, long day. I'd forgotten what the convention scene felt like!

Its has been said to me that at conventions, there are three things to do: Eat, Sleep, Play Games (or whatever the con is about). Pick two of those, that's all you have time to do.

Well, after a pair of press conferences and a huge concert, the Padinga crew has returned home with a belly full of pie to report the news.

We need to get back down there in two hours, so guess which option we're NOT taking. And the con hasn't even officially opened its doors yet...

Anyway, Day 0 coverage is up at Padinga.com. Go, read, enjoy. It was definitely a WTF kind of day for seasoned Gamers...

It Has Begun!... E3 with Padinga.com!

2010-06-13T18:15:00.000-07:00

We interrupt our usual movie-related ramblings to bring a taste of digital delight your way. I'm out with your friends and mine from Padinga.com (former contributors of BreakmanX.com, and some fresh young talent to bolster the roster) as we cover the E3 Gaming Expo in Los Angeles.

There's not much going on today unless you're out watching the promotional circus act they have going on right now (from which a few news nuggets have already been spied. IE: Some new Xbox Model this year, also the Natal motion control is now re-labeled the Kinect, more on these later), but we had a good start to the week's coverage.

Day 1 consisted of a signing and photo op with Metal Gear creator and gaming legend Hideo Kojima. (seen here signing a copy of a friend's game for me) Sadly the press conference was cancelled, but we did set up an exclusive interview with him in the future, and we are certain to get some great game demos at the Konami booth, courtesy of their very gracious and apologetic company reps. Those guys have a lot of class.

But enough chatter for now. Check us out on Padinga.com, and look for updates all week long!

External Linkage

2010-06-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

Week four of the Lucky 13! This week we examine the greatest and grisliest scenes of Gore ever created!
This is the biggest week so far in the series, everyone's got something to say!

When you're done here, pop over to the Vault of Horror for part 2!

Great big gobs of greasy, grimy, people guts!

External Linkage

2010-06-11T01:28:00.000-07:00

This month's brand spankin' new BthroughZ.com! Lots of nifty, nasty nuggets of horror served up in heaping helpings! YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED!!

Not only do I have a particularly damning rant about crap-fest Exorcism of Emily Rose, but dear friend and generally foxy lady Abbie Stutzer joins the fray! THRILL! as she reviews the classic 'Brain Damage' and uses scintillating phrases like 'Love Meat'!

Now! New @ BthroughZ.com!

Splice: The importance of marketing

2010-06-08T00:17:00.000-07:00

This weekend, one of the worst on record for the film industry, millions of people still went out of their way to throw down money at the movie theater, looking to escape the heat, and reality, for a few hours.

About ten people probably saw Splice.

Okay, obvious exaggeration, but the movie was a bomb, taking in just over $7 million with a #8 opening. Of course, it won't take much to make back the modest $26 Million budget, it'll do that over time with home video release, but its still not very impressive. Still, the question remains, why didn't people see this movie?

I know that I was excited to see Splice, but then, it had been talked up among the cinema world for several years. The script was well received when it first made the rounds. Then we were treated to shots of the film's creature, Dren. With the very sleek creature design, sharp CGI work, and production work by noted Director Guillermo Del Toro, there was a lot of buzz and positive talk about the film. Finally it debuted at Sundance, and it was very well received; there was even a bit of a bidding war over the distribution rights. And who can blame them? For a completely independent film, Splice looks wonderful. The 'net was getting hyped. All of the pre-game motions were set to see this indy-turned major release become a major hit.

And then we got this trailer.

Well... that doesn't look anything like the movie I had heard about in the production stages, the smart and creepy sci-fi. That looks like... Species 4 or something.

Then we finally got the poster and it too.... looked like part of the Species series. And the Species poster was a derivative of the original Alien poster. Coupled with the catch phrase "Science's Newest Miracle... is a Mistake" it looked like we had yet another 'cloning is bad' movie, stealing its visuals from a history of films that wished they were Ridley Scott's Alien. The film-going community shrugged, labeled it 'just another horror flick' and promptly ignored it.

I had a free ticket coming this weekend, so I braved Splice anyway, remembering what I had seen of it back in production and, wow, did they peg this movie wrong.

First off, Splice really isn't a horror movie at all. There are a couple jumpy moments when Dren is first introduced, and a big scary sequence at the film's climax, but the film doesn't really set out to scare you so much as make you ask questions. That's not horror, that's classic sci-fi. Though it has a creature in it, Splice is less about the monster, and more about the scientists; the focus is on the consequences they face when their own human infallibility enters the laboratory, their flawed compassion taking precedence over scientific reasoning.

Splice follows scientists and married couple Clive and Elsa (Adrian Brody and Sarah Polley) just after their biggest scientific breakthrough. They have created a protoplasmic creature that is a mix of the DNA structures of many different animals. Though lacking any real shape or function, the creature creates a series of proteins not found in any single creature in nature that can be used to cure livestock of many different ailments. The couple hopes to gain approval to add human DNA to their next proto-creature so that it might make proteins to cure Parkinson's Disease, Diabetes, and some forms of Cancer.

They are denied this, as most laws prohibit human cloning, even in a hybrid like this, and do the thing any two scientists in a film would do: they go ahead anyway.

At this point, the movie could have become the horror flick it was billed as, with the creature coming to life, escaping, and a bunch of people with guns trying to hunt it down in the sewers. Instead, it takes the more intellectual approach, and becomes about parenthood. From the offset, we know that Clive wants children, and Elsa does not. But when confronted with the partially human creation, Clive's first reaction is that of a scientist: destroy the creature, autopsy, examine, keep the lab controlled; meanwhile Elsa is immediately overwhelmed by her humanity, clothing and naming the creature, protecting it, and eventually taking it from the lab to nurture it. Despite Elsa's displayed superiority at lab science, she cannot keep the boundary of objectivity that is considered a necessity.

Throughout the film, the relationships between Clive, Elsa, and Dren all develop and change in startling ways. Dren ages at an advanced rate, going from embryonic to child to teenager over a matter of months. Over this time, Clive's strong paternal instinct begins to emerge, and he bonds with the creature. Elsa, maternally driven to protect the small Dren, now finds haunting memories of her traumatic childhood moving her in odd ways towards the adolescent she is now faced with. The rapid succession and development of emotions is more than the couple seem prepared to handle, and caught in the middle is a creature with many of the same human emotions, but lacking the reasoning to control them, having instead the instincts of the animals she was cross-bred with, play, eat, mate, survive.

From this set-up comes a number of questions. At what point do scientists cease to be humans, and should they/can they progress forward without humanity and compassion guiding them? This movie seems to suggest that it is the adoption of compassion over clinical behavior that can lead to disaster. At what point does a 'specimen' become something more? To what degree is a scientist 'married' to their work? The film suggests that there is truth to the notion that the results of an experiment are the scientists' 'child' in many ways, and that the experiment is a part of them.

Removed from the science, Splice has a few emotional questions at its core as well. Dren lacks much in the way of human reasoning, but her face and motions convey a full array of emotion. The longer the film continues, however, the more we begin to see that no matter how 'evolved' or adult humans are, our own reasoning can still be overwhelmed by the same instincts that drive Dren, or any animal. We seek control, we seek love, we seek comfort and joy. When hurt, when threatened, we lash out in the same way that an animal would, and we see that exhibited in many of the decisions Elsa makes. Splice questions our moral superiority that we, as humans, presuppose, looking at both our capacity for compassion and love, and our capacity for violence, incest, beastiality, rape, dishonesty and murder. Everything the scientific world fears Dren is capable of we ourselves are already committing; again it is emotion over reason. Emotion, perhaps, spliced with instinct; and maybe we don't really know how to separate the two.

All of this leads to our climax where Dren, overwhelmed by the emotional tempest of her two 'parent' figures and her isolation in their country home, makes a startling metamorphosis.

Obviously, I was impressed by the movie. Some of the story points you can see coming, I won't say that everything in the film is completely original, but by now everything seems to be borrowing from something else. But Splice is very smartly written and filmed, and presents its story in a new way, with more thought and depth than many sci-fi horror films in a long time. The performances are excellent, particularly Delphine Chaneac, who builds Dren into a believable and empathetic creature without speaking a word. CGI effects are also top-notch. It all adds up to a solid film that earned more than the meager audience it received this weekend.

In a summer of awful releases, this is one you should go see to escape the tedium of a useless Sex in the City sequel, or some needless remake.

Now, given it was mislabeled as a straight horror flick, I have to wonder why this one didn't attract more of the horror community. But that'll be saved for another entry...

External Linkage

2010-06-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

The Lucky 13 continues as this week Brutal As Hell examines the greatest Occult films of all time: Witches, Demons, and Satan himself.

Once you read our review here, don't forget to pop on over to Vault of Horror to see what our fellow writers have to say over there. The whole of the horror-net is in on this one!

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/06/the-lucky-13-week-three-demons-witches-and-the-devil/

Marmaduke

2010-06-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

Hollywood... you're really stretching here, aren't you?

It seems like whenever the box office starts to slump, and it has been a bit lately, you panic. And when you panic, what to you do? Do you turn to smart directors like Spielburg or Cameron for advice? Do you look at the kind of quality pictures that Chris Nolan has made, all of which were 'unmarketable' $100 Million + success stories (and, of course, the Mega-hit Dark Knight). Do you look for scripts and directors who's films are quality and will have long-lasting appeal in the theater and on home video?

Or, do you make some bullshit with talking animals in it? Yeah.... that's it.

Now, hey, I get it, kids like talking animals. I know I saw more than a few Disney movies in my youth. I saw Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey. I took in Milo & Otis at the dollar show. But those movies were a lot further apart 'back in the day', and Disney, especially old Disney, is miles above any of the crap you're producing now. In fact, new Disney is buckling under the strain of losing its connection with kids. And rather than find new ways to engage them, they're relying on nostalgia for those old releases to keep the wind in their company's massive sales. (see: Cinderella 3, Junglebook 2, any other sequel 30 + years after the fact)

Furry Vengeance, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Dogs v Cats 1&2, Chipmunks and Squeakuel, Garfield, G-Force... man, you guys are just pumping them out lately, aren't you? And its all enough for a quick cash-grab, but where's Snow White? Where's Lion King? Where's anything that gets kids to come back over and over again, and doesn't kill the soul of their parents at the same time? Only Pixar seems to have what it takes. Dreamworks is doing okay but, please DW, let Shrek die.

And so, now we have Marmaduke. A movie based on a comic strip, which is neither funny nor popular, coming out about thirty years after the strip lost any relevance it might have had.
Now, hey, props to creator Brad Anderson for still being a working cartoonist after all these years. He's still doing a one-man show on Marmaduke after 55 years and, at age 85, shows no signs of stopping. I appreciate that kind of long-lived effort.
But still, you've taken the creation of an 85 year old man, who bases many of his gags on old Laurel and Hardy skits, and expect it to be relevant and amusing to kids.

Of course, at the same time you've gone against the source material, and made Marmaduke talk. Have we ever had insight to Marmaduke's thoughts?

You know what is a better Marmaduke movie? Beethoven. The dog didn't have to talk in Beethoven, he just ripped off most of Marmaduke's gags and earned like 4 sequels. But then, that was 20 years ago. Shit has to talk now.

So, I don't know what's worse, the fact that you made some BS movie that panders to the lowest common denominator in a desperate plea for summer box office receipts; a film that shows you still have no idea how to engage kids without treating them like little idiots. OR the fact that the creator of Marmaduke will go see this movie, and have an aneurysm and die when he sees this piece of shit and realizes that the children of tomorrow will remember his pooch more for this dreck than the long-running strip he lovingly crafted for decades.

Where was I going with this?... oh yeah, Hollywood, fucking get it together.

No one go see this movie. If you need further evidence, the trailer... Dance sequence totally ripped from Beverly Hill Chihuahua.

... kill me

External Linkage

2010-05-30T02:48:00.000-07:00

Lucky 13 week two! Two horror blogs unite to talk about the best of each of 13 Horror sub-genres. This week: Creature Features!

Here's a link to Brutal As Hell, where you'll find contributions from myself and buddy Ben Busey. Hop on over to The Vault for part 2.5!

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/05/the-lucky-13-week-two-creature-featuresmonster-movies/

Doodles

2010-05-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my buddy Jasmine for the original line. They made it into a shirt, but it sucked.

External Linkage

2010-05-23T04:05:00.000-07:00

The Lucky 13 Begins! Brutal As Hell has teamed up with The Vault of Horror to take over the blogosphere for the next couple months.
They're creating a web-ring of authors, compiling lists of the greatest horror films of 13 distinct genres, each one set to shock a different part of your brain.
This first entry is exploitation films. You can find tidbits from myself, and from good friend Ben Bussey. This first entry is one I've reviewed a couple times before, so no shocker there... but we've got some good and obscure stuff, ready for you to track down, coming this month and next.

Go, enjoy, be horrified.

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/05/the-lucky-13-week-one-exploitation-and-grindhouse/

Mighty Marvel Digital Comics: Issue #1

2010-05-20T02:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight, with $50 burning a hole in my pocket, I decided to start a subscription to Marvel's Digital Comics services. The subscription sounds nice. Its $10/month, or $60/year to read Marvel's catalog of amazing comic books as they add them to the server. There are thousands of comics to browse and flip through, ranging from the original Stan Lee issues to modern day.

Now, I don't expect the library to be complete, they add about 25-50 books per week, which is plenty to read. There will be gaps, I'm not going to complain about that (though I might do some toe-tapping on a number of them). I'm sure there will be some complaints, however. I'm going to commit them here, as a kind of ongoing Beta-test/review. Now, you guys can see how it works for yourself to a degree, via the free samples available at the link above, but the full subscription service works a little differently, and I'm sure there are people who are curious about whether or not its worth the investment. Find your answers here.

Why do I use my time on this? Because I want this to be the best service offered to any comics fan.

I'll admit it, I spent some time pirating Marvel Comics. I love 'em. Love to read 'em. Gobble them up incessantly. And at $3-4 per issue, they just became too expensive. Especially to a fast reader like myself who can go through a comic in 15 minutes. $4 for 15 minutes of reading? x12 books a month (assuming an ongoing cross-over too). Yeah, not in the budget. Also, I was out of storage space. Before I sold my collection, I had 13 longboxes of comics, each with over 500 issues, eating up a ton of space in my apartment. So, the answer was piracy.

Over time, though, piracy has gotten harder, riskier (virus, ID theft, other BS), and frankly I want to keep my favorite comic artists paid; the best middle ground is Marvel's online service that keeps me stocked with cheap reads, and keeps Marvel paid to produce quality books.
Clean art, digital zooming, and no 'shit going out of print' problems like I just went through with Essential Tomb of Dracula #1.

As the 'net evolves and print continues to slowly die, this service needs to be popular and efficient in order to keep people interested, and Marvel Comics in print. So, here I am, as a service to Joey Q, giving pointers.

With no further ado: MARVEL DIGITAL COMICS ERROR #1

While the option to search through the thousands of books and isolate those that feature my favorite characters is great, even necessary in theory, its only worthwhile if the function is complete. If the search only partially works, I'm going to assume more books are missing than actually are, and miss out on some great issues.

This error took me about five minutes to find. Tonight, I started the sub, and immediately searched for issues with Darkhawk. Only 4? Wait, he was in Nova not 5 months ago. You know, Nova, one of the most critically acclaimed and consistently selling books in the stable. Lets look up books with Nova in them... Wow, looks like they only have Nova's 4 and 7-11 on file. Dang. Guess I won't try to read that whole series.

But wait, shits and grins lets go up to 'Titles' and click Nova. What comes up but Nova #'s 1-25.
So... is Nova just not in the other 20 issues?... of his own series? Since he's on the cover to Nova #1, I'm going to bet that he's there. And this means that Marvel's tagging system isn't up to snuff, which means that their search engine isn't actually pulling results for me, which means that in order to read more Nova books, I have to know which issues he appears in already.

... Lord help me when I go looking for Black Bolt. He's only in other people's comics. What issue of Thor was that Inhumans back-up strip in again?

So, there's gripe #1. Marvel, please go in and tag all of the books appropriately for the characters that appear in them. Obviously if Nova isn't even tagged in a book with him name on the cover, something is amiss...

That's it for now, by some stuff.

IMPERIUS SKETCH!!

2010-05-06T01:59:00.000-07:00

A full week early, my new investment has arrived.

I picked up a Wacom Bamboo-Fun digital drawing tablet for my computer. I figure I'll need it to do my own comic book projects in the future. Pop_Aristocrat may be expanding into new artistic ventures soon enough.

Not too shabby. $100 gets you the board, a wireless mouse, pen, and a software disc with a ton of simulated mediums to fool around with. I'll probably have to search from some better computer based, comic related programs. This ain't bad for now. I already think its going to be well worth it, though.

Check out my first doodle. Not too bad for a first timer, eh?

One interesting bit with Namor, as realistic as you can get his body, his head, when drawn classically, is always going to come out horribly cartoony. I think I'll have to start light-boxing Hugo Weaving's head onto him in the future. If he were just a little more built, and ten years younger, I'd say he'd be the man to build a Namor franchise around.

Comics: Not homo-erotic in the slightest.

External Linkage

2010-05-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

WHOOOO! Its time for some more horror! I know, I know, its been too long. This time of year, they're just too few and far between.

This time up, its the new remake of Nightmare on Elm St., published by the fine folks over at BrutalasHell.com.

Enjoy!

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/04/review-nightmare-on-elm-street/

Prepare yourself.... FOR THE GREATEST FILMS EVER MADE!!!

2010-05-02T04:48:00.000-07:00

Its true. Heaven in five minute intervals. I really can't put it any other way.

Anyway, my buddy Aubry Peters a very talented (see also, eccentric, hedonistic) filmmaker out in Lawrence Kansas finally created a website for the film group, PMP Productions.

Aubry's been there since the start, and I've had the pleasure of collaborating with the group on their last 3 outings. There's a short feature in the works right now that I'm helping edit the script for, and I think it'll be pretty solid, honestly.

Anyway, if you want to see our early works on the road to greatness, they're collected here. The tech is steadily progressing, and now you can actually HEAR the films, and not just see them. :P

PMP Films, watch them, love them, and at the end, say to yourself, " I just Pooped My Pants."

http://www.wix.com/PMPProductions/PMP

Redbox, and the Death of an Artform

2010-04-11T02:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, "original content tomorrow"... also known as five days later. Screw you, real life, and your stupid paying job.
Speaking of which, I'm adding Amazon links in these posts now, probably to a stupid degree. If anyone wants to buy something via the links, I'd be much obliged. Help me quit my day job and bring you more quality work!
All whoring myself out aside, here we go...

So, over time we've watched the art of the movie poster slowly die off. Sure, not everything from the past era was great, we do tend to look at things through rose-colored glasses, but there was a more common trend for movies to be accompanied by wildly creative, emotionally driven art 'back in the day'. While there are certainly some good posters being released now, you've typically just got some guy doing a slap-dash photoshop mash-up of the main characters in a spread that does little to tell you anything about the story you're about to see.

Just to prove I'm not entirely against modern poster work, here's one of my favorite recent ones, Superman Returns. We get some fantastic art with great use of colors, we get the character, we DON'T get some random exploitation of the main actors, and we even get a hint of the Christ imagery the movie is going to subject us to. Good work.

Seriously, though, such a downward spiral. Check some of these classics of yesteryear against some of the modern day atrocities.
Good: Nightmare on Elm St. (this whole series has good posters, up to part 5. Check 'em) A little sexy, a little scary, and it gives you a good feel for the impending nightmare related horror that's coming. Bad: The Unborn. This is a still from the movie because we were too lazy to make any original images. There is a scared girl in this movie. She is wet.
Good: Lawrence of Arabia Its Epic, its original, its colorful. One of a series of paintings for this movie that depict both the scope of the adventure, and the power-house performance of Peter O'Toole. Bad: Cop Out Maybe its unfair to compare the marketing campaigns of an epic and a buddy comedy, but what the hell, we're talking about the time taken to make a damn poster. This is Bruce Willis' head. This is probably not his body. Tracy Morgan is not holding that gun. We could not take the time go get them to pose in a picture together, they had to be taken separately, and then cropped together. There is no depth to this image. Some intern put shadows on the wall behind them.
Here's a direct comparison between the old Baron Munchausen, and the New DVD cover. Check out the great artwork on that original, the fun and appropriate image... kind of like a political cartoon full of all kinds of in-jokes to catch your attention, and make you chuckle after you've seen the film and it all makes sense. And then there's the new art, which features 3 people from the movie looking at shit. And the resolution is all grainy, because they're taken from stills of the film, not high quality production photos.

And, even though I've already given you 3 examples, which is enough to prove undeniably that my point is correct, here is yet another shitty modern poster: Mama Mia! Check out the curve of this girl's neck down the left side. Her left, not yours. Yeah, is she some sort of giraffe-like creature in this film? See, they wanted an image of her holding the bouquet down, but they also wanted to have her looking up hopefully, but the photo of her doing both those things didn't really work, so they used Photoshop to mash two photos together, connecting them at the neck. Yes, look again, this girl has two necks, one on top of the other.

What does this have to do with Redbox?

The reason that movie art is on the decline in quality has generally been because of the home video industry. Its big, and it makes a lot more money than the movie theater these days. But there was a time when movie studios wouldn't have dreamed of DVDs becoming such a huge market, and as such, they didn't include home video in the payment contract for their poster artists. As such, most artists would have to be paid again for their awesome paintings. A little for each cover sold, in fact, which is a lot more than the number of poster units they were originally paid for. So, rather than pay the artist a fair wage to re-use the paintings, studios are just having some intern whip up a Photoshop POS that can be mass-produced for nothing. Between that and the fact that studios now market films entirely off of the actors in them rather than the plot of the film, you lose iconic artwork like this, and in its place, get some slap-dash crap like this. Hey! That vaguely resembles one of the original paintings! Only now it looks like one of Lucas's kids did it! Neat!

Lately, Redbox has taken this movement one step further. Not only do they not want to pay artists to adorn their many boxes with movie art, but since the art isn't attached to any package, and their advertising space is very small, Redbox has gone even cheaper with their art selections.
Cheaper than a virtually unpaid digital imaging intern? Yes, Redbox has become the Mexican day-laborer of the DVD art industry.
And, of course, since Redbox is killing Blockbuster, even without physical displays, its only time before the film industry notices, and only hires the cheapest of crap artists to adorn their boxes.
One great thing to come out of this: humor. Check out some of my these, my favorite bad-art picks from Redbox's gallery. Soon to replace all the visual appeal of the movie department at a Wal-mart near you...

Funny People- Ho, man, look at this awesome work. Such effort put into portraying both the laughs delivered during the stand-up comic acts, AND the thought provoking story of Adam Sandler's isolation and how his life is changed by cancer.
Yep, you can tell they cared about this movie.
Most surprising is the total lack of Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan photoshopped together into a photo they didn't actually pose with each other for.

Harry Potter 6- This time, at least, there's some Harry Potter related imagery we can draw from. There's a train, and he does ride a train for a couple seconds in this movie. And there is a pair of glasses, and Harry does wear glasses.
What stumps me here is why they chose to use this crappy art, when there was already some crappy free Photoshop art in existence from the DVD packaging. Was even that collage too expensive?
Compared to some, though, this is a milestone in Redbox marketing.

Public Enemies- Starring Johnny Depp! (not pictured)

Night at the Museum 2- I kind of like this one because it makes you think. Its like a very minimalist puzzle, where they could have gone with the actual DVD cover, a Photoshopped picture of Ben Stiller and Robin Williams.
Rather, you're given a few clues here, if you don't know what the movie's about. Okay, looks like a museum and title says 'Museum', check. There's a dinosaur skeleton, gotcha. Half of its blue, half of its orange; hmm, is the art faded from the sun? No, no, wait. Either this is a light-side/dark-side reference, or its Night/Day. Without Lucas attached, we'll go Night/Day. And... there are sparkles. On the Day side of the image.
Okay, the movie is about a magic dinosaur skeleton that grants wishes to museum patrons, but only during the day. Close?

Terminator 4- Jesus Christ, who did the CG work on this cover? This is awful. Its the kind of terminator I would have expected to shoot at in a Playstation One game or something.
I know, you thought I was kidding when I said art interns are the ones doing the DVD covers, but here's your proof. Maybe they should have just gone with the old 'still-shot ripped from the movie' maneuver here. This thing looks so bad, its like looking at a Dark Horse Comics Terminator cover.

No, no, I take that back, those, for their audience of thousands (a fraction of Redbox's business) were usually superior to this crap in about every possible way.

Inglorious Basterds- The best part of this image is its versatility. Sure, I guess it COULD be used on a movie about scalping Nazis. But they could also use it for Halloween as Michael Myers' hand. Or any slasher. Any at all. In fact, just any movie with a knife, or blood, or, at this rate, clouds.

This image, by Redbox standards, could apply to about half of the movies in the box at any given time. I expect to see it again in the future, probably on several releases at once, just to be cost-effective.

Basterds, btw, subject to one of the great cavalcades of unused poster art. Check out what could have been.

Bruno- This is probably my favorite one of all, as you really can't even tell what the tone of the film was from the description Redbox gives.
Something about a boy seeking to become a famous star? Wow, its just like Rock Star, with that nice Wahlburg boy in it. And look at that wonderful sunrise, that golden meadow. This is going to be a movie about hope and redemption, I can tell.

I hope, just hope to God almighty, that someone rented this movie under those pretenses, and then managed to make it to the part where Bruno's penis screams at you from its urethra.

So, yeah, there we go. It seems like I had a good conclusion to this...

Oh yeah, go look at some of this cool art shit and encourage artists that are trying to bring back movie and DVD art. The Alamo Drafthouse, my favorite theater, will sometimes commission artists to do limited edition posters to classic films as fundraiser events (check out that one of Bumpeses' dogs!), and you can also find the occasional art exhibit of new posters for old movies. Some domestic, some abroad.

Anywhere you can find quality and originality you have to reward that, pay it attention, share it with others. If you don't take the time to encourage the artists and the guys who pay them, then all of the cool work that keeps them fed, and makes the world a little more awesome and beautiful, will simply fade away.

Also, again them links to all the shit I referenced above. Buy some of it so I can afford to keep writing. Thanks.

External Linkage

2010-04-05T01:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, chocolate holidays are past, visitors return home, and I return to writing. Got a little snippet up on Brutal as Hell, and I've got a full-length blog post planned for tomorrow. Rejoice! I have been resurrected!

Mine's the Kill Theory blurb. Dig it!

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/03/after-dark-horrorfest-4-round-up-part-1-zombies-of-mass-destruction-the-reeds-kill-theory-the-final/

External Linkage

2010-03-12T20:45:00.000-08:00

Holy crap! There's activity at BreakmanX.com! Now, most of the peeps from that site have transferred over to Padinga.com, but BreakmanX is already a registered business, and so the sudden flurry of activity on that page just bought us press packets to E3.

The link is to my own personal article (with a certain paragraph NeilAlien is sure to appreciate), but be sure to check out the great work everyone else did as well. Break has picked up from fresh talent on his travels through LA, and they've got some fun stories to share as well. Enjoy!

BREAK!

External Linkage

2010-03-07T00:57:00.001-08:00

New article is up at BthroughZ.com; an introduction to horror-based board games.

Come and check out what is probably our biggest and best-looking issue to date! We're getting more and better stuff all the time!

http://bthroughz.com/2010/march/board.html

External Linkage

2010-02-27T03:59:00.000-08:00

Ugh. 2010 is off to a slow start for writing. Horror movies are in short supply post-holiday season, and work is a killer this time of year.

But at last, Valentines is behind me, and I can sink back into writing. New screenplay is being developed, and at last, we have s'more horror worth looking at.

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/02/film-review-the-crazies-2010/

It draws near...

2010-01-24T00:16:00.000-08:00

Well, Bloodline continues to move forward.I've just sent it out to Bold Films (Legion, now in theaters) and I'm going to get it out to a few others over the coming weeks.

In the meantime, it continues to develop simultaneously as a comic book. I've got four of the five pages I need to start submitting it to comic companies, and hopefully I can get some sort of cross-marketed comic/movie thing going.

In the meantime, I thought I'd post the first 4 pages, just to give you guys a taste of what's been done, and maybe see if I can't catch someone's eye along the way. These are the pencils of Jeff McGee, artist extraordinaire from Lawrence, KS.

I hope you enjoy, I've really dug his work so far: (click to enlarge)

External Linkage

2010-01-20T22:48:00.001-08:00

So, completely pissed that I didn't get to the screening of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World last night. I didn't even know it was screening until about an hour after it had finished. Thanks subscription services, where the hell where you on that one?

Anyway, Lots of things for you to read. Articles up all around:

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/01/dead-zombies-make-warm-bodies/ and
http://bthroughz.com/2010/january/mirror.html and
http://bthroughz.com/2010/january/dream.html
Go read now, question your sanity later!

The Lovely Bones

2010-01-07T03:28:00.000-08:00

Its 2010, and the movie with the honor of being my first for the year is The Lovely Bones, Directed by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings, of course) and based on the novel by Alice Sebold. I haven't read the book, so this is based completely on the merits of the movie.

And... um, its probably a better book.

Not that the quality isn't there. Most of the issues seem to lie in the Direction. Here Peter Jackson has shown his mastery of film my making some very tense and heartfelt moments, and at the same time ruined some of the drama with his own misplaced sense of humor. The reverence he'd shown Lord of the Rings is not present here (in fact, he's added some references to Lord of the Rings into this film).

But we're getting ahead, here. The film, if you've missed its scant marketing campaign, is about a 14 year-old girl who is raped and murdered on her way home from school. The story then follows her as she looks on from limbo, between Heaven and Earth, watching over her family as they move on with their lives and search for justice. The girl, Susie Salmon, finds she is able to influence the actions of her family by pressing outwards with her rage and emotion. But she has to weigh the value of catching her killer, versus letting her family find relief in letting her death go and moving on.

I went into this expecting the ultimate drama. Well, I suppose my lofty expectations were bound to be disappointed, but not in the ways I thought they would be. Generally, I just didn't like the handling of the story.

Everything starts out well enough, the family drama is introduced, Susie's everyday life is brought before us with vibrant energy, making her loss of life all the more tragic.Much of the trouble begins when Susie confronts her killer in the cornfield of her eventual demise. Steve Tucci (somehow nominated for a Golden Globe for this performance) breathes heavily and grumbles, giggles, and mutters his way over to the girl in the most obvious "I'm going to rape you" manner possible. Rather than a serious depiction of a friendly neighbor who turns, with no warning, into a dangerous predator, we're treated to a Snidely Whiplash with a hard-on, practically twirling his mustache all the time he's on screen. It felt more like an after school special than a movie for adults.

Rachel Weisz, also terrible, though I can't say I've ever been a big fan.

Aside from that the cast was pretty excellent in all their roles. Of most note is Saoirse Ronan (The Accuser), who plays Susie, the victim. She fits right into the 70's motif that the film uses, and plays her part with such vitality and earnestness; every scene she was in worked very well, and she brought a lot of life and character to the film, where Weisz and Tucci had just sucked it right away.Though I was always glad to see her pop back onto the screen and ghost it up a little, her role was far from what I expected. The Trailer led me to believe that Susie would take a more proactive role in solving her murder. Rather, she was mostly sent to run around in CG fields of grass, and add a pretty pointless narration. I suppose the purpose was to use lines from the book to supplicate fans, but the movie is so visually strong, and so much of the story can be told visually, the narration feels forced and comes off as annoying... kind of like the way Blade Runner's narration ruined the theatrical cut.

The worst addition to the film, though, is Peter Jackson's sense of humor. I realize that the story takes place over two years time, and that in that time, it would not be unreasonable for the family to discover laughter again. But in a very personal story about RAPING and MURDERING a 14 year old girl I don't feel a joke-filled montage of a drunk Susan Sarandon botching the housework feels necessary. I would feel like a more natural laughter scene at the dinner table, followed by the family feeling guilty for laughing without Susie, something like that might be a bit more appropriate.

Though, while Jackson tends to fail at delivering drama, he does so well at giving us terror. Action and horror are where this guy thrives. There are moments, such as when Susie's ghost, wandering lost and confused, first enters the afterlife and conjures up an image of her killer, that are really disturbing. Tucci is isolated in a washed out white environment, naked in a bathtub, soaking water dirtied with mud and blood. On a sink floating to the side in space lay a bloodied razor blade. Tucci, though sitting normally in the tub with a rag over his face, is filmed in such a way to seem so grimy, so dirty, against the white background he seems so perverse and disgusting. Revulsion creeps over Susie's face as she realizes her own fate.

There's also a short, but fantastic chase sequence near the film's climax between the killer and Susie's little sister. Its set up so well, you start to curl right out of your seat from the tension, and the gasps of a couple audience members were audible.

Despite some great visuals, a couple good performances, and tension for days, Lovely Bones just has too many flaws to be an excellent film, and comes off as somewhat forgettable. I might suggest saving the price of admission, and using the ticket money to invest in the critically acclaimed, best selling book, which is apparently some sort of modern classic. No doubt, it takes its subject just a bit more seriously.

"These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections — sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent — that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events my death brought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous lifeless body had been my life."

Pop_aristocraT

3-in-One: Mission Impossible, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and I Hate You Dad

Anonymous (2011)

The Thing (2011)

The Big Year (2011)

Director:

Writers:

Stars:

Drive (2011)

Griff the Invisible

Cowboys and Aliens

The Dire Digest Cometh. Looking for Backers.

Have you had a look at your Padinga lately?

A few words on THE MIGHTY THOR!!! *thunder clap*

Brains? I'll just stick to the Cadbury Cream Eggs, thanks...

Gasoline Wars!!

My Favorite Ladies

Found Art and Scary Babies

Affection/Affectation Plays at Bare Bones Film Festival!!

Update!!

GAMA Day 2: Heroclix

GAMA Day 1

I probably shouldn't be thinking this hard about Dragon Ball Z

External Linkage Double Dose

External Linkage

Leakin' Lubricants!!

External Linkage

Your Highness

External Linkage

External Linkage

Old MacDonald Had a Zombie, ia ia oooooooongh

Them Goldenest of Globes

Green Hornet: UK Style

Affection/Affectation- Movie Premiere

External Linkage

Forgotten External Linkages

External Linkage

Xtupyd Fylmu N8me5

Legends of the Guardians: Beautiful, but Lacking in Gizzard

External Linkage

External Linkage

The Long Awaited...Indy

Poster Monster, Monster Poster

Blog Placid

External Linkage

PLACEHOLDER

Road Trippin: The Incredible Journey

External Linkage

External Linkage

External Linkage

External Linkage

External Linkage

Scrappy sinks her teeth into Twilight: Eclipse!

External Linkage

External Linkage

External Linkage

External Linkage: Two-fer

E3 Games: Square Enix

E3: Sony's new The Move controller

E3 Nintendo Madness Continues!

External Linkage: E3 Edition- A Visit with Nintendo!

External Linkage: E3 Edition

It Has Begun!... E3 with Padinga.com!

External Linkage

External Linkage

Splice: The importance of marketing

External Linkage

Marmaduke

External Linkage

Doodles

External Linkage

Mighty Marvel Digital Comics: Issue #1

IMPERIUS SKETCH!!

External Linkage

Prepare yourself.... FOR THE GREATEST FILMS EVER MADE!!!

Redbox, and the Death of an Artform

External Linkage

External Linkage

External Linkage

http://bthroughz.com/2010/march/board.html

A few words on THE MIGHTY THOR!!! thunder clap

http://www.brutalashell.com/2010/01/dead-zombies-make-warm-bodies/ and
http://bthroughz.com/2010/january/mirror.html and
http://bthroughz.com/2010/january/dream.html
Go read now, question your sanity later!