50 Movies for 50 States Part 2, The First Super Hero from New Jersey

Last week, Conan O'Brien made a joke about New Jersey. Nothing new, he's always cracking about New Jersey. This time, he stated that the Mayor of Neward was introducing a new state health-care bill (true). Conan's version of said theory? Buy everyone a bus ticket out of New Jersey. Well, that seemed to be the final straw, and now Conan is banned from the state.


I guess I'm looking to have my turn as well.

Before announcing my winner for New Jersey's movie mascot, lets look at the two runners up. The list of films set in New Jersey was surprisingly long, but not particularly remarkable. An obvious candidate from the list would be Garden State. This film was Written, Directed by, and Starring Zach Braff of Scrubs who, for a first timer all around, pulls of a remarkably impressive film. I grant you, none of the direction is particularly challenging, but it is all around competent. Also, it features a remarkable soundtrack. If you ever watched the Star Wars prequels and thought Natalie Portman couldn't act, just watch Garden State and be proven wrong. She's remarkable here, served up believable with a side of cute and fun. **


Garden State is a wonderful little romantic comedy about generation Y and how we don't know where we're going, probably because of all the meds we're on. Despite those troubles, there is love and there is hope.

But it didn't ring my bell as the most representative of New Jersey, though its probably the BEST set in New Jersey as it doesn't really utilize the state very well. In fact, it has a few fantasy elements, such as the crevasse that goes to eternity, that seem to take it out of the otherwise grounded setting.

Second on the list was Clerks, and the whole Kevin Smith universe of films. While mostly a fine group of raunchy comedies, and surely something New Jersey is proud of, I'd totally forgotten about this movie being set there. The convenience store Dante works at could be set anywhere. Other than a few throwaway references to local hockey teams, the universal appeal of Clerks makes it a bad choice to represent any one location.

So, there was only one real choice for what film represented New Jersey. The REAL New Jersey.

2. New Jersey- The Toxic Avenger

Oh I know, a few of you are rolling your eyes at just how 'Dustin' a choice this is. Fuck you.

Right off the bat, this movie addresses its inspiration. Toxic Waste. New Jersey has 108 Toxic Waste dumps, and is the dumping capitol of the US. This film, started back in '83, addresses peoples' fears about Nuclear Waste (still a pretty new concept, at the time), and the corruption of politicians who had sold the land.

There's also a kid getting run over by a car. And a lot of bad boob jokes.

Yeah, you can't really take it seriously. Troma makes B movies, they always have and proudly always will. This schtick has made them the last truly independent film producer in the country, without any funds or distribution help coming from one of the big 5. They use a lot of actors and extras from the New Jersey area, film in the area , set their films in the area, and generally show a lot of love for Jersey, even as they lampoon it.

But when they take shots at the state, they dont' hold back any punches. A couple of fun facts: New Jersey has the highest population density of any state, New Jersey has an incredible crime rate, with the number of cars stolen in Newark being more than in New York and LA combined, New Jersey is the largest industrial and chemical producing state in the nation (likely the world). Yes, its true, Jersey IS New York's armpit. And it cries stinky tears.

So, while on the surface, Toxic Avenger may be an incredibly violent, slapstick exploit about a nerd who falls into toxic waste and mashes the heads of every bad person he meets, set to a load of dick and fart jokes... and it is that... but at the same time its the reflection of the fears and pride of the people of New Jersey. The state is nothing but a web of cities and highways, people staring longlinly at the glimmer of the New York skyline. The cities are crowded and dirty, crime is rampant, and the pollution from all the industry that is shoved into Jersey from the rest of the nation takes its toll. At the same time, there is a sense of community and civic pride, the idea that individuals banding together can solve problems and defeat evil... and if not, you can always just hope a radioactive monster rips out their stomachs.

...Lloyd Kaufman, director, has never been one for subtlty.

So, New Jersey residents, this may not be the most beautiful depiction of the state, but it seems to be the one that takes place in your home and calls it as it is. Dirty as it is, there's always a glimmer of hope. And you know what? Its because of a film like this that I can say for a fact I'd rather live in Jersey than in Detroit. If nothing else, Toxic Avenger will likely have a cult following as long as Clerks will (already proven over 25 years!), and far, far beyond the time when Garden State is forgotten. Toxic Avenger truly is Troma, and Jersey's, finest moment.







**edit: you can tell it was 5 am when I wrote this by the number of times 'remarkable' appears in this paragraph. 'Remarkable' is to me what 'Decadent' is to Lovecraft. And if you get that reference, you're a remarkable, decadent person.