Blog Placid

I really have been half-assing this blog lately. I mean, look back at June. I was a blogging monster. July I was traveling a lot. So, what about August?

Well, I have my reasons. Be it job hunting, visits from lovely ladies, or setting up my future monarchy over the crumbled nations of the world, I've had constructive things to do. Most importantly, I've been finishing a screenplay for Glenbrook Studios, so hopefully there'll be more good news about that in the future.

Well, maybe not MOST importantly. Its a tough call between that and the lovely ladies. Tied for first, then.

In the meantime, I got a Press Kit in the mail today for a new horror flick, and I figured it would be a shame to let it go to waste. So, here it is, the one you've all been waiting for: Lake Placid 3.

Now, I know what you're thinking, because its exactly the same thing I was thinking, "What the Hell were Lake Placids 1 and 2?... wait, is that the one with the giant alligator?"

Luckily, the press kit came with a copy of the box art and... yes, yes it is:

Ah! Look at that punny tag-line at the bottom of the box! Ha! High School kids will see that at Wal-Mart and be messing up their Your/You're forms for years. Priceless. 

Anyway, if the press kit is any indication, they're going full-out camp on this one. And really, could it go any other direction. The first Lake Placid took itself a bit too seriously, and when you get into the sequels, well, you've got to start poking fun at yourself. 

For the festivities they've lined up Yancy Butler (who the Press Release mysteriously credits for her bit part in Kick-Ass, despite her leading role in Witchblade.) and Michael Fucking Ironside (his real middle name, I'm sure) who makes anything more awesome. 

The write-up promises not only copious amounts of gore, but also full frontal nudity, so at least they know the target audience they're shooting for.

Of course, I write that assuming its female nudity, and as I do, I realize that over half of all movie goers are female now (Last Exorcism was exit-polled at 52% female, as a recent example), so maybe they're shooting for that 'girls who like tits' demographic... or maybe there'll be cocks in the movie. And if not (probably not) maybe there should be. 

Anyway, here's a trailer:

This movie got me thinking. I mean, do they generate sequels off of a numeric formula? Surely. I can't imagine someone going through pitch ideas, and a studio exec being, "Yes! That is exactly what our studio needs to produce. ANOTHER giant alligator movie! That's 4 in the last decade!"  and I doubt this is a labor of love for any young, upstart director. 

Some guy in an office has to be looking at profit from the last two, deducting a percentage of drop off from sequel to sequel, figuring how much money they can throw at it, calculating any losses of revenue from an obviously lower-budget production, how much money some B-level talent's names can rake in and VOILA! Product! We can profit like $250,000 off of this, as long as there's X gallons of blood and Y pairs of boobs! Better throw in Z vaginas just in case!

Well, whatever keeps Ironside in work, I guess. If you like Boobs, Blood, and Bad Acting (and really, who doesn't?) I'm sure Lake Placid 3 will deliver the goods. I'll let you know when I get my hands on it. 

RELEASE DATE: October 26th. Just in time for your animal horror themed Halloween party. 

External Linkage

Shit, I really need to go back and finish that last blog entry. The problem with writing while you're on a road-trip is that you inevitably get caught up in the excitement of the vacation itself, and the writing falters...

In the meantime, here's the final entry in the Brutal As Hell series, The Lucky 13. Our 13th and final category is Slashers, and we bring you some of the best, and most obscure, slashers of all time. Its been a good, gory summer on that site. Lets go out with a bang!

Brutal As Hell!

PLACEHOLDER

Gencon day 2. A longer day, and I enter the Heroclix World Championship tomorrow, so I need a good night's rest.

HOWEVER, a brief rundown of what was had and seen this morning, to be detailed in time:

-In the Exhibit Hall (Digital Cataan awesomeness)
- People Watching
- Web of Spider-Man release event
- Dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe
- Our really lame ghost adventure
- The Slippery Noodle

Are you excited? I know I am... or was... and well be again... whatever. More later!

Road Trippin: The Incredible Journey

"Sandra Bullock could fly out on a jet, come over and fuck me silly, and it still wouldn't top this moment. Here in the car, listening to this music, eating this gigantic Nut Log, this is the best moment of the day. Its all downhill from here."

Yes, the day topped out early for the Hall boys.

We're on our way out to Gencon, the world's largest gaming convention. Board games that is. Table top. Pen and paper. Dice. Little plastic figures. Nerds. LARP.

Today was all about the journey, however. At 5 AM my uncle Donald and I (Donald not a gamer, just along to help me at and around the convention, so his reaction should be pretty interesting.) left Lawrence in his truck, and plowed through the heart of the Midwest and the Bible Belt.

The first pitstop was the real highlight. An American tradition. Stuckey's.
For those shamefully unaware, Stuckey's is a chain of truckstops that used to pepper the country at exits all along every major highway. Now relegated almost exclusively to the Midwest and deep South, what Stuckey's are left tend to be shacked up with a Diary Queen, and continue to offer their unique blend of nick-nacks, trucker tools, coloring books and snacks.

In particular, the Pecan Nut Log and the Goo Goo. Either one is rich enough to induce a colon explosion upon contact.

So it was that, Nut Logs in hand (an an emergency stash of Goo Goos in the cooler) that we hit the road, led on by the soothing sounds of John Anderson's 'Swingin'. Red letter day, right there.

The Midwest is an odd place. I can say that, having lived in a small town for so long. Mostly, its a bunch of little road stops in a state of disrepair, inhabited by old men and truckers.
But, there's something to be proud of here. Oh, sure the whole 'Bible Belt' protest against everything new and different attitude is kinda creepy... but really, that's just something that's gotten worse in the last ten years or so as the country, especially the Heartland, has begun to falter. People are afraid, they look back to the times when they were happier, not sure exactly why those times seemed better, and they try to use powerful relics like religions to recall them back into existence. I can't blame them.
But, its still friendly folks, hard workers, and green, so much green. And peaceful, restful quiet.

I was sitting in town square in my little hometown of Baldwin the other evening. Despite the lovely new fountain they've installed, and some great public works projects, still a lot of the businesses have closed, a lot of the businesses are in disrepair.
Its all part of the trend of the large business swallowing the small, the large city swallowing the town. The death of small town America. But I've lived in both, and while I love city life, I can't help but also love the quiet of Baldwin. No constant drum of traffic. No endless sirens. No fighting drunks. Just peace.

For a moment, I looked at quiet, slowly dying Baldwin and thought "This used to be a place you could be proud of." But I realized that wasn't right. The truth is that people have just forgotten what to be proud of.
Its really not monuments of capitalism and monsters of industry. Progress shouldn't be measured in mass marketing and production. Progress should be measured in peace and community. And there it was in sleepy little Baldwin.

It may not have the energy I need now, while I'm young and speeding through life. But it was a good place to be born, and it would be a good place to die.

... I'm getting off track. Gencon. We continued our journey, looking for a good Mom and Pop place to get lunch. Donald and I have both come to generally avoid chains when we can, and prefer fresh food (something terribly hard to find in Vegas). We wanted to find someplace delightfully weird, perhaps a "Somali Tamale" or "King Tut's Nut Hut", but to no avail. Finally, we stopped at Country Kitchen, a modest truck stop diner off of I-70 in Effingham (home of The Cross!). Surprisingly good. All you can eat friend chicken and mashed potatoes. Fresh, hot, crispy. Not necessarily exceptional, but probably the best truck stop I've eaten at.

After battling the Itis (and possibly running over a hobo? We'll never know for sure) we made it to Indianapolis.... which is kind of a boring town. For a place as big as it is, there is virtually no nightlife here. Hopefully Gencon will offer up some more interesting nocturnal activities via con events.

But it was good to be among fellow nerds, already gathering for pick-up games in the convention center halls, a full day before the event even started. Looks to be a big turn-out this year. The number of sexy tattooed gamer girls continues to grow, which is always a plus.

After scoping out the convention center and Lucas Oil Stadium, we succumbed to a road-weary nap, and awoke to a sudden and tremendous lightening storm. I've missed Kansas's tremendous storms, so it was nice to get a little nature show while I was on vacation. The lightening was the entertainment during dinner at Kazablanka, a little Greek restaurant that only had maybe 6 Greek items on the menu. We got Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches, which were really very good.

And then we spent the rest of the night laughing at this:


Overall, a successful and pretty easy trip. Tomorrow marks the first day of the 'con proper, and the Web of Spider-Man release event tournament for me.
Also, some special activities reserved for after the con...

Tune in tomorrow!

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Yes friends, that's right, another week, another Lucky 13!
We finally get around to the all-time fan favorite, the zombie. Its fresh and goopy, and up at Brutal as Hell. Don't forget to check our friends over at Vault of Horror for their take.
After this, I"m off to Gencon for a few days, so maybe some new coolness on here from that. Games abound!

When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.