Well, I have my reasons. Be it job hunting, visits from lovely ladies, or setting up my future monarchy over the crumbled nations of the world, I've had constructive things to do. Most importantly, I've been finishing a screenplay for Glenbrook Studios, so hopefully there'll be more good news about that in the future.
Well, maybe not MOST importantly. Its a tough call between that and the lovely ladies. Tied for first, then.
In the meantime, I got a Press Kit in the mail today for a new horror flick, and I figured it would be a shame to let it go to waste. So, here it is, the one you've all been waiting for: Lake Placid 3.
Now, I know what you're thinking, because its exactly the same thing I was thinking, "What the Hell were Lake Placids 1 and 2?... wait, is that the one with the giant alligator?"
Luckily, the press kit came with a copy of the box art and... yes, yes it is:
Ah! Look at that punny tag-line at the bottom of the box! Ha! High School kids will see that at Wal-Mart and be messing up their Your/You're forms for years. Priceless.
Anyway, if the press kit is any indication, they're going full-out camp on this one. And really, could it go any other direction. The first Lake Placid took itself a bit too seriously, and when you get into the sequels, well, you've got to start poking fun at yourself.
For the festivities they've lined up Yancy Butler (who the Press Release mysteriously credits for her bit part in Kick-Ass, despite her leading role in Witchblade.) and Michael Fucking Ironside (his real middle name, I'm sure) who makes anything more awesome.
The write-up promises not only copious amounts of gore, but also full frontal nudity, so at least they know the target audience they're shooting for.
Of course, I write that assuming its female nudity, and as I do, I realize that over half of all movie goers are female now (Last Exorcism was exit-polled at 52% female, as a recent example), so maybe they're shooting for that 'girls who like tits' demographic... or maybe there'll be cocks in the movie. And if not (probably not) maybe there should be.
Anyway, here's a trailer:
This movie got me thinking. I mean, do they generate sequels off of a numeric formula? Surely. I can't imagine someone going through pitch ideas, and a studio exec being, "Yes! That is exactly what our studio needs to produce. ANOTHER giant alligator movie! That's 4 in the last decade!" and I doubt this is a labor of love for any young, upstart director.
Some guy in an office has to be looking at profit from the last two, deducting a percentage of drop off from sequel to sequel, figuring how much money they can throw at it, calculating any losses of revenue from an obviously lower-budget production, how much money some B-level talent's names can rake in and VOILA! Product! We can profit like $250,000 off of this, as long as there's X gallons of blood and Y pairs of boobs! Better throw in Z vaginas just in case!
Well, whatever keeps Ironside in work, I guess. If you like Boobs, Blood, and Bad Acting (and really, who doesn't?) I'm sure Lake Placid 3 will deliver the goods. I'll let you know when I get my hands on it.
RELEASE DATE: October 26th. Just in time for your animal horror themed Halloween party.
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