Avatar

James Cameron, after a 12 year absence, has returned. He has proved, once and for all, that White Guys are the coolest thing in all the universe... EVER.

Let's look back:

Forbidden Kindgom (Ancient China)- A modern day white kid mysteriously appears in ancient China, and is found and trained by Jackie Chan and Jet Li, Li playing the legendary Monkey King, the most bad-assed martial arts thing ever. Yet, in a matter of weeks the white kid has surpassed the kung-fu of Chan and Li's lifetimes, and gone on to destroy an ancient evil. White guys are better than the Chinese at their own Wu Tang.

Last of the Mohicans- 1826- Daniel Day Lewis is brought in to the Mohican Tribe during their tumultuous final days, where he learns to love their ways. Ultimately, he outshines and outlives every one else in the tribe, proving that he is the most talented and worthy, and that white guys make the BEST Mohicans.

Glory-1862- Matthew Broderick leads the first platoon of Black soldiers through the Civil War, the fightin' 54th. Despite an all-star cast of amazing black actors, the movie feels it needs to focus on Broderick, who is the core of the group's survival. Most of the movie's pathos is focused on him being a social outcast for leading the black soldiers, portrayed as perhaps the only thing worse than BEING a black soldier. An important movie, this shows that not only do white guys make better black guys AND better soldiers, they also make more important actors.

Dances with Wolves- 1863- Taking a page from DDL, Mohican Master, Kevin Costner infiltrates a tribe of Lakota Indians, learns their ways, shows his wisdom, and then goes on to lead them against the encroaching White man, and to their survival. Again, white is the new red.

Last Samurai- 1876- Tom Cruise travels to Japan where he is the first white guy to ever make the Emperor cry, and he fights off an army of chain gun wielding Japanese who have turned against his friends, the samurai. Cruise survives and is dubbed 'the last samurai' solely because he is white. Many Japanese on both sides of that battle were wiped out. Cruise then goes on to master Bushido, the Five Elemental Rings, and later will create Cancer... just so he can cure it later in his spare time.

Lawrence of Arabia- 1935- Despite getting raped in the butt by an enemy General, Peter O'Toole leads the united armies of Arabia, crushing the Arian invaders in a way no Arab ever could. His presence in the desert also brings about the longest period of peace and unity the modern Arab world has known. He goes home and takes the white away, and fundamentalist governments start cropping up everywhere.

8 Mile- 1995- Eminem out-raps black people at their own game. Also, bangs pre-death Brittany Murphy in a steel mill. Hot.

Avatar- 2134- After over 100 years of silence, white people come back with a vengeance! They find a new group of people in a shade they've never seen before... Blue!... and seek to learn their ways. One soldier does, and in doing so, within months he has become one of the greatest Na'vi that has ever lived, bangs the chief's daughter, leads a war, defies death, and is generally the most bad-assed thing to ever come to the planet.

WHITE PEOPLE RULE!

Okay, Avatar is nothing new for story. It, like so many others, has a very similar story idea. Where did it come from? I dunno. But it goes like this: Someone from 'Us' (you know he's the good guy because he's from 'Us') finds a group of Outsiders, joins them and learns their ways, and then when danger strikes he teaches them our ways, and fights beside them, usually against the home he left behind.

In this case, Jake Sulley, played by Sam Worthington, is the legendary white guy. His brother is dead, and the military needs to use his genetic code to continue an experiment of his brother's. A paraplegic ex-marine, Jake jumps at the chance to do something big with his life.

Jake is swifted off to a planet called Pandora to help a huge industrial/para-military group to move all of the native Na'Vi off of the largest mineral deposit on the planet. He does this by taking control of an Avatar, biological constructs that look like the Na'Vi, but are controlled by the human mind, a perfect synch of mind and body.

Jake finds himself invited amongst the Na'vi, being the first Soldier or Warrior that has approached them. In time, he will need to submit his findings to the powers that be so they might launch a full assault on the Na'vi. But, Sam has fallen in love with these beautiful people.

All of the places are set for a gigantic battle, and which side will Jake choose?... well, if you've seen any of the other movies I mentioned, you already know the answer, really. And make no mistake, had this Uber-white guy not showed up to help, the Na'Vi would have totally been blown away by the army of not-as-cool-as-Jake white guys.

One interesting thing about Avatar is that, for all of these things moving around and setting up this huge battle... there's surprisingly little action in the movie. In this 2 and a half hour movie, there's maybe 30 minutes of real punching and gunfire. Of course, that's probably for the better. What action IS there is really solid, and Cameron's goal of making an immersive, believable alien landscape is only helped by the investigations made into the flora and fauna, and the many explorations of the culture of the Na'Vi.

While all of the film is solid, all good, I don't know that its necessarily exceptional. Yet, I would recommend that everyone go see Avatar, for the sheer spectacle of it. After all, as much as James Cameron would love to convince everyone that complete immersion in an alien landscape was his goal, ultimately Avatar is all about the spectacle. But, oh, that part is so well done.

First off, special effects work is top-notch. Weta totally outdid themselves on creature creation, Mo-Cap animation, ship design, and just making an incredibly lush and detailed CG world, that blends well with practical effects. I'm still not completely sold on how much GC is needed, especially for the Na'Vi. These 10-foot tall blue kitty-people are some of the best CG done to date, yet they still look a bit cartoony. Good as they are, and detailed as they are, you sit one next to a real human actor, and it is obvious to all but the near-sighted that they are an illusion, not part of the real-world image. One has to wonder if forced-perspective and blue make-up might not have been more convincing. Still, these aliens do showcase the technology in the way they were supposed to, and some great physical performances from Zoe Saldana, amongst others, make them the most believable artificial creations created yet.

Little side-note here, anyone else just floored by how quickly WETA has come in the FX department? They're the big-dogs of Hollywood now, and its amazing to think where they came from. Their first movie, FIRST!, was The Frighteners back in 1996. They went from that, which looked ok, but is really terribly dated by this point, to Lord of the Rings. No real mid-point, in fact, Peter Jackon talks on the Frighteners DVD about moving on to Lord of the Rings. What a jump! That's like the Wright Brothers building the first airplane, followed by the first orbital satellite, its just such a leap. Frighteners, LotR, King Kong, District 9, and then this, the largest digital showcase of all time. Crazy. But I digress...

Beyond just the good CG and general effects work, there's the 3-D aspect. For this, if nothing else, you need to see Avatar in the theater. At home, on the Blu Ray, there will be a 3-D option. And it will require those red and blue glasses, and it will discolor the picture and look all crappy. If you haven't seen what a theater can do in 3-D these days, you need to go experience it. The new stereoscopic images pop out at you, it really does seem like you're a part of the movie, and there's no red/blue discoloration, its a perfect image, its in your face, and while I know Hollywood is going to beat it to death in the next few years, for now it feels really fresh and fun. And the movie was filmed with this in mind and layered for it appropriately; computer monitors pop up displays for the images, creatures leap off the screen, landscapes have true depth... its a great addition in the hands of a storied craftsman like Cameron, and it'll never be the same at home. If you miss it on the big screen, you've essentially missed Avatar all together.

Ok, so here's a few Spoilery nit-picks, so if you don't want the surprise to be ruined, then just make do with this: Long, but fun, movie romp, flawed but overall excellent, and you do yourself a disservice by not going to the movies to check it out.

Okay, so for the rest of you, here's something that took me out of the movie right away: Unobtanium. That's the name of the mineral the military group is after. Unobtanium. What the Hell? I realize that there are some chemists who have tried to use this term seriously in the past to describe 'X' compounds that are yet to be discovered, but once Futurama used it, I just lost the ability to take the term seriously. Maybe Professor Farnsworth can replace Giovanni Ribisi in the director's cut.

I know a lot of people had called it Dances with Wolves in space just off the trailer alone, but I was prepared to ignore that, and enjoy the film on its own merits. But, man, when the Na'Vi come riding in on space-horses, wielding space-spears, and yelling "yi yi yi yi yip-yiiiaa"... just about lost me again. This movies isn't just LIKE Dances with Wolves, it IS Dances with Wolves... with space Indians. Luckily, I regained my composure, due to the sheer awesomeness of the spinning glowing flying lizards.

Cameron, like so many other film legends, we've studied all your old tricks so much, your moves have just become predictable.

"What was that thing that attacked us?"

"Its a... big effing dragon or something. My Grandpa rode one."

"No shit?"
"Yep, only 5 people EVER have. Everyone respects those that do."

*Male Na'Vi walk by and disrespect Jake*

"Aww, I wish I could ride one."

Man, do you think he'll end up riding one and uniting all the tribes?

And speaking of really, really projected story points, how about Jake ultimately getting his brain transferred into the Avatar permanently? Now, I for one thought that the idea of a living biological computer making up Pandora was pretty awesome. The idea that the native race could plug their brains into the animals to make them more docile, or plug into the plants to hear downloaded memories from their ancestors was very cool, and very good sci-fi. But why would that ever work with Jake's human body? The Na'Vi and all the other creatures of Pandora have evolved together over billions of years; humans lack their specialized pony-tail plug, so how do the plants read us? It seems like this was an add-on to the otherwise good idea as a way of getting around the blaring question, "If his control pod is owned by the military, why don't they just unplug him? Or might it run out of batteries?" Bit convenient?

3-D is pretty cool and all, but some of the shots made to utilize it are just ridiculous. Giovanni putting a golf ball right at us into the cup... twice. Gotta roll my eyes at that one. It reminds me of Lonely Island's The Bu, and their send-up of lame and obvious 3-D work in film.

Lets get back to this giant red dragon-thing. Ya know, the one Jake beats on and rides to unite the tribes? How lame is it to not see that battle at all. I know, I know the movie was getting on by then, and you really just needed to stop delaying the big battle anymore. But seriously, they keep talking about how awesome the big red dragon is, and Jake decides he has to capture it because no one has in 3 generations... and then he just does off-screen somewhere. Was it really that easy? Seems like if you can just jump on its back and ride off, that other natives would have done so, or maybe one of their elders would have clued them in.

Wait, I'm sorry, Jake is white, of course its easier for him.

Okay, okay, I'm done gripin' about it for now. These are things that bugged me, but obviously they don't really stand out to a majority of the film-going world, and they certainly don't make Avatar a bad movie. It's made in Cameron's traditional style, with great visuals and bold direction, but with plotting a dialogue that's full of jokes that are just a little too cute, and a lot of action-movie contrivances.

But, that doesn't stop the film from being visually spectacular and a lot of fun to check out. I don't know if it'll hold up 30 years from now as a sci-fi benchmark; so much of it relies on FX, and the story is obviously only average, but for the next few years, it'll be the sci-fi film to beat for most audiences.